when my son was deployed to Iraq the stress factor was horrible but little did i know who badly it could get on me. or what it could do. i did remember the time when my mom passed on and someone thought it would be nice if i went to the hair dresser, she was washing my hair and asked me if i was sick with something like cancer i said no. why do you ask she said your hair is falling out in large amounts. i said only thing happened to me in the past month was my mom had passed away in my arms. she said ok that would do this to me. i found with Ira in Iraq my hair was back to falling out not as badly but enough that i noticed it. and At the end of his 6 months there my teeth suddenly began to go bad. i would find myself going to the dentist and thinking oh great another filling fell out he will just put in a new one only to find he was pulling it instead. finally after loosing so many the dentists got together and recommended that we begin to pull them this all happened over a one year period the pulling here and there. before they said ok they all have to go. because i also ended up with an infection in there and it kept going away and coming back due to the teeth. i remember my son in law telling the kids you have to take care of your teeth or you will end up like your grams . that hurt alot and i mentioned it to the dentist the next time i was in there. he said not true Crissy this all began around the time Ira was in Iraq and we are all aware of the stress you were under your teeth were fine before that we think the stress of it all did this to you.
OK all that said to say this. i have been going through all this now for ages. last Aug is when they decided to take all the teeth. and they asked me then if it was OK for me to run around with out my uppers see i only lost those the lowers were on there way out too but what ever it was stopped finally when they pulled all the uppers. thank god. they took from October to November to pull them all. 4 the first time and then the last time the dentist said OK lets just take all the rest so he pulled all the rest 7 at one time.
i told him if i had a problem with going with out teeth for awhile then at my age maybe i should seek counseling. he smiled and we pulled teeth LOL
OK that was November. December found me finally going into another dentist for the dentures and i still had to have what was left of the lowers worked on by the other dentist at the same time. so for awhile i was averaging 2 appointments per week. oh goodie i love spending time at that dentist office LOL
were into February 2007 now. i spent December singing all i want for Christmas is my two front teeth , spent January remembering that i did sing that. and now February is here and i dreamed of false teeth instead of candy for valentines day and that came and went. sigh so when someone asked me how long it was going to be i said you know i haven't a clue but i am beginning to think they went on safari to Africa to hunt elephants because at this rate those things better be made out of ivory LOL and because if they had gone north to hunt for walrus's they would have been back by now LOL and i would be sporting some nice teeth LOL though the last appointment was February 4th and i got to visit with my teeth then. i say that because i got to try on the preliminary ones the ones that are wax with the teeth set in them. nothing like teasing me and making me wish. :( i don't mind going with out but i sure dream of the things i could eat with teeth LOL ok maybe st pats day huh if not maybe Easter. sigh we will see. right now my whole life feels like its on hold once in awhile that is how i feel. back to knitting and more am coffee.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
post to a post on post deployment
there are and will be for awhile alot of things about being a navy mom that come to mind when they do i will make sure i post them
so here goes another walk down memory lane.
before i do so i want to point out i wasnt the only mom that went through this silent treatment thing i know of others that did too. and i am very glad my sons sister was there for him always have been even though it put a huge strain on our relationship and changed that for the time being hopefully it will turn around someday but for now it hasnt.
here is the copy of my post on the mms today, it is in response to a post deployment situtation , and how much war changes them. i am not alone in this but this is what i went through and how i reponded to the post .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am sorry to hear this is happening. when Ira came back he didnt call me for three months wouldnt talk to me or his sisters he grew up with at all for nothing. or my hubby his step dad only real dad he ever knew. he just wouldnt talk. to anyone but his one sis he never knew. and i was left to wonder if i would ever see or hear from him again. there were actully times i would wake up and think my son is dead i know it someone forgot to tell me is all. that is how come i havent heard from him i am in shock and dont know it yet or am not facing it. and would call my daughter and tell her how iw as feeling and what i was thinking. and found even she was thinking the same because we were so left out. totally at that time. all i wanted so badly was to hug him count his toes and all that see if he was ok. but he wasnt. he saw things over there and maybe even did things he would never ever dream of doing or seeing in his life because the boy i raised was raised with morals and had a gently loving side to him that was pushed to the max in the middle of a war. as a medical corpsman. i am sure of that in fact i know that. that part is a given. do not take any of this personally the attiudes or any mood swings. think of it this way. i am going to tell you the same thing i have told my kids many times ok. and then had no choice but to walk my own talk. but walk it i did. you would never dream of going to to a stranger and yelling or start a fight with them unless you had good reason . right? because if you do your in for one heck of a fight they do fight backand will in a bad way. keeping that in mind most people who do fight in families are fighting with people they proffess to love. someone they trust. someone they know is going to help them get out of the mess there in somehow . its the cry of a drowning person is what it is. something is over whelming them or upsetting them enough they have to say something some where to someone. and its not always placed in the right diretion. but they place it with someone they know they love and who loves them and they hope deep down will throw them a life line. or find one that will pull them back . there not laying blame at your feet there saying help me i cant do this alone. it took two veitnam vets to talk my son into going for counciling before he left the navy. and then it took months more before i began to see the son that i watched go into the navy imerge again and be his old self as close as he will ever become that man again. and all i could do was love him even though for those long months i didnt hear from him and then when i did it was hit and miss one month and then nothing again for months on end again. and now heck you cant keep him off the phone he calls his mom to see if i am ok or just to talk i hear from him now at least 2 x's a week and he is so loving again and kind and everything he used to be best as it ever will be again. and i cant keep him out of text mesages and i wouldnt dream of it . but he still hasnt come home here yet. that part i am not sure will ever happen but i am ok with it now for the first time since he got out. even if your son in law is a vet he and knows what is going on with your daughter it may take somone else to get her to go for the counciling she needs to get through this. all you can so is keep telling her you love her and remembering the girl you love is still there wounded emotionally but still there. and all you can do is pray and hope and keep telling her no matter what she does you still love her and always will. i remember when i did get the chance to talk to ira once telling him no matter what happned no matter what he may have had to do i still loved him and if he needed to be forgiven he had that from me too. he said he knew and hung up. and i didnt hear from him again for months. i said it to him because i felt he needed to hear that from me . and then i felt bad because he cut me off again. i am now glad that part is over with and done for now at least. married to a vietnam vet i know it may come back again later on but when it does or if i know what to do and i think ira does too now . its not and easy walk to walk but i am here for you and you do have my prayers totally i am sorry i keep editing this post because i keep remembering things that happened to me when all this went down. one of the other things crossed my mind when ira refused to talk to us was maybe he came home wounded or badly scared physically and didnt want me to know and didnt want to return home and be a burden.maybe i dont know because i refused to see or listen or something. even though i knew i would have had a visit from the military ..... i mean come on the things a mother's mind will come up with right ? but i assure you none of it is turth. he is very much alive and well and has all his toes
hugs and love and tons of prayers from me another navy vet mom crissy in alaska
so here goes another walk down memory lane.
before i do so i want to point out i wasnt the only mom that went through this silent treatment thing i know of others that did too. and i am very glad my sons sister was there for him always have been even though it put a huge strain on our relationship and changed that for the time being hopefully it will turn around someday but for now it hasnt.
here is the copy of my post on the mms today, it is in response to a post deployment situtation , and how much war changes them. i am not alone in this but this is what i went through and how i reponded to the post .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i am sorry to hear this is happening. when Ira came back he didnt call me for three months wouldnt talk to me or his sisters he grew up with at all for nothing. or my hubby his step dad only real dad he ever knew. he just wouldnt talk. to anyone but his one sis he never knew. and i was left to wonder if i would ever see or hear from him again. there were actully times i would wake up and think my son is dead i know it someone forgot to tell me is all. that is how come i havent heard from him i am in shock and dont know it yet or am not facing it. and would call my daughter and tell her how iw as feeling and what i was thinking. and found even she was thinking the same because we were so left out. totally at that time. all i wanted so badly was to hug him count his toes and all that see if he was ok. but he wasnt. he saw things over there and maybe even did things he would never ever dream of doing or seeing in his life because the boy i raised was raised with morals and had a gently loving side to him that was pushed to the max in the middle of a war. as a medical corpsman. i am sure of that in fact i know that. that part is a given. do not take any of this personally the attiudes or any mood swings. think of it this way. i am going to tell you the same thing i have told my kids many times ok. and then had no choice but to walk my own talk. but walk it i did. you would never dream of going to to a stranger and yelling or start a fight with them unless you had good reason . right? because if you do your in for one heck of a fight they do fight backand will in a bad way. keeping that in mind most people who do fight in families are fighting with people they proffess to love. someone they trust. someone they know is going to help them get out of the mess there in somehow . its the cry of a drowning person is what it is. something is over whelming them or upsetting them enough they have to say something some where to someone. and its not always placed in the right diretion. but they place it with someone they know they love and who loves them and they hope deep down will throw them a life line. or find one that will pull them back . there not laying blame at your feet there saying help me i cant do this alone. it took two veitnam vets to talk my son into going for counciling before he left the navy. and then it took months more before i began to see the son that i watched go into the navy imerge again and be his old self as close as he will ever become that man again. and all i could do was love him even though for those long months i didnt hear from him and then when i did it was hit and miss one month and then nothing again for months on end again. and now heck you cant keep him off the phone he calls his mom to see if i am ok or just to talk i hear from him now at least 2 x's a week and he is so loving again and kind and everything he used to be best as it ever will be again. and i cant keep him out of text mesages and i wouldnt dream of it . but he still hasnt come home here yet. that part i am not sure will ever happen but i am ok with it now for the first time since he got out. even if your son in law is a vet he and knows what is going on with your daughter it may take somone else to get her to go for the counciling she needs to get through this. all you can so is keep telling her you love her and remembering the girl you love is still there wounded emotionally but still there. and all you can do is pray and hope and keep telling her no matter what she does you still love her and always will. i remember when i did get the chance to talk to ira once telling him no matter what happned no matter what he may have had to do i still loved him and if he needed to be forgiven he had that from me too. he said he knew and hung up. and i didnt hear from him again for months. i said it to him because i felt he needed to hear that from me . and then i felt bad because he cut me off again. i am now glad that part is over with and done for now at least. married to a vietnam vet i know it may come back again later on but when it does or if i know what to do and i think ira does too now . its not and easy walk to walk but i am here for you and you do have my prayers totally i am sorry i keep editing this post because i keep remembering things that happened to me when all this went down. one of the other things crossed my mind when ira refused to talk to us was maybe he came home wounded or badly scared physically and didnt want me to know and didnt want to return home and be a burden.maybe i dont know because i refused to see or listen or something. even though i knew i would have had a visit from the military ..... i mean come on the things a mother's mind will come up with right ? but i assure you none of it is turth. he is very much alive and well and has all his toes
hugs and love and tons of prayers from me another navy vet mom crissy in alaska
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
taking a look back ( mail call and phone calls)
you know being a military mom isnt easy at all.
but here are a few things you should know
each branch of the military does it diffrently yet same same
so its best if your a army mom to ask another army mom what basic is like and what to expect .
navy mom 101
the kid is gone off to become a sailor
what do you do?
well the frist thing i did was go home and have a good cry.
then i waited for ira to contact me.
he finally called me about two weeks into his basic or when they finally allowed him to call me.
when he did he said ma all my personal stuff will be mailed to you via ups
they do that so you dont fall over in a dead faint if someone comes to the door to deliver your childs personal stuff back to you after all they no longer need that stuff all their going to wear from then on is a uniform right?
at some point ira had to sit and write me a letter. so i would get the information on his address and how to contact him . no phone numbers just a brochier on how to get to boot camp graduation. which i couldnt do since he was in the naval boot camp on the east coast. heck this is alaska good luck getting out of here and back in unless you got a ton of money laying around .
so i missed his gratuation totally both times.
couldnt be there when he shiped out to iraq either.
anyway that is getting ahead of myself
mail call...........
first off i invested in 100 stamps
and then ran off to locate every post card i could of alaska
and i would sit every morning at my pc and type him a quick letter
and send those off
here is the deal about post cards
if you feel like you want to send those please remember everything you write on the back is read outloud so those not getting mail can hear something from home .
sooooooooo no embarrissing stuff on the backs of those. and no mushy stuff
dont write things like love and hugs and all that from your mother
just put love from mom and leave it at that
what i did was this
i got me every post card known to man kind of alaska and took the opertunity to take the whole lot of them on a tour of alaska through post cards
would put triva about alaska on the backs or some funny thing on there something to get a smile out of them.
i was known as the mom who wrote the most when ira went through because i must have sent every post card out. sent out three of those a day and then sent about three letters a day too.
ok phone calls.......
i vowed not to cry on the phone with ira ever
and i vowed not to carry on about stuff back home like someone in the family not getting along or someone fighting or things like that.
i kept our talks to an upbeat thing didnt ever talk bad to him or tell him how to act or behave. heck he didnt need me to do that he had a person yelling at him all day and night during training he didnt need me to do the same .
and when ira came home on leave and left i would not cry when i put him on the plane either i would wait until i was down the road and at the nearest stop sign before i would fall totally apart.
i did the best i could to not add to any troubles ira had while he was in the navy by not falling apart or making him a part of any troubles going on back home.
not that i didnt include him in things either. i did include him told him about the walks i went on or the camping trips and movies i saw and places and people and events and alot of things but never about the troubles.
like he said once when i asked him where he was at he said if i tell you ma then i have to shoot you you know that.
he then asked me about something family and i said same thing there are things here at home you dont need to know so back at you if i tell you then i have to shoot you too. so dont ask.
and we kept it that way the whole time he was in after all there was not a dang thing he could do about what was going on at home. he couldnt reach through that phone and fix anything or make it better . though his calls made my days and nights and alot of time just hearing his voice made things a ton better.
and even know that he is out and on his own hearing his voice say maaaaa is that you maaaaaa and then begin to tell me about the place he is living at now well i sure miss the child i gave to the navy but i love the man they gave back to me. for sure
hugs and love and tons of prayers from this vetern navy mom to all of you.
aka ( crissy ira's mom) in alaska
but here are a few things you should know
each branch of the military does it diffrently yet same same
so its best if your a army mom to ask another army mom what basic is like and what to expect .
navy mom 101
the kid is gone off to become a sailor
what do you do?
well the frist thing i did was go home and have a good cry.
then i waited for ira to contact me.
he finally called me about two weeks into his basic or when they finally allowed him to call me.
when he did he said ma all my personal stuff will be mailed to you via ups
they do that so you dont fall over in a dead faint if someone comes to the door to deliver your childs personal stuff back to you after all they no longer need that stuff all their going to wear from then on is a uniform right?
at some point ira had to sit and write me a letter. so i would get the information on his address and how to contact him . no phone numbers just a brochier on how to get to boot camp graduation. which i couldnt do since he was in the naval boot camp on the east coast. heck this is alaska good luck getting out of here and back in unless you got a ton of money laying around .
so i missed his gratuation totally both times.
couldnt be there when he shiped out to iraq either.
anyway that is getting ahead of myself
mail call...........
first off i invested in 100 stamps
and then ran off to locate every post card i could of alaska
and i would sit every morning at my pc and type him a quick letter
and send those off
here is the deal about post cards
if you feel like you want to send those please remember everything you write on the back is read outloud so those not getting mail can hear something from home .
sooooooooo no embarrissing stuff on the backs of those. and no mushy stuff
dont write things like love and hugs and all that from your mother
just put love from mom and leave it at that
what i did was this
i got me every post card known to man kind of alaska and took the opertunity to take the whole lot of them on a tour of alaska through post cards
would put triva about alaska on the backs or some funny thing on there something to get a smile out of them.
i was known as the mom who wrote the most when ira went through because i must have sent every post card out. sent out three of those a day and then sent about three letters a day too.
ok phone calls.......
i vowed not to cry on the phone with ira ever
and i vowed not to carry on about stuff back home like someone in the family not getting along or someone fighting or things like that.
i kept our talks to an upbeat thing didnt ever talk bad to him or tell him how to act or behave. heck he didnt need me to do that he had a person yelling at him all day and night during training he didnt need me to do the same .
and when ira came home on leave and left i would not cry when i put him on the plane either i would wait until i was down the road and at the nearest stop sign before i would fall totally apart.
i did the best i could to not add to any troubles ira had while he was in the navy by not falling apart or making him a part of any troubles going on back home.
not that i didnt include him in things either. i did include him told him about the walks i went on or the camping trips and movies i saw and places and people and events and alot of things but never about the troubles.
like he said once when i asked him where he was at he said if i tell you ma then i have to shoot you you know that.
he then asked me about something family and i said same thing there are things here at home you dont need to know so back at you if i tell you then i have to shoot you too. so dont ask.
and we kept it that way the whole time he was in after all there was not a dang thing he could do about what was going on at home. he couldnt reach through that phone and fix anything or make it better . though his calls made my days and nights and alot of time just hearing his voice made things a ton better.
and even know that he is out and on his own hearing his voice say maaaaa is that you maaaaaa and then begin to tell me about the place he is living at now well i sure miss the child i gave to the navy but i love the man they gave back to me. for sure
hugs and love and tons of prayers from this vetern navy mom to all of you.
aka ( crissy ira's mom) in alaska
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
the support group i belonged too
finally i updated this blog so i could add links along the side and such. when i first began this blog awhile back you couldnt do that or if you could i had no clue how.
that was during the time the bagdad blogger was the hot deal and i actually was busy reading his blog of what it was like for a private citizen in bagdad to go through the war.
at the same time i ran across alot of blogs done by our own military soldiers those kept going while they were in the service but once they got out poof gone.
anyway.
during that time i began to blog . not alot but i blogged.
i also ran into one of the best support groups on line any military mom would ever want to gett involved with and that is the military moms.net link located on the side here under links.
for me it was a place i could run to anytime day or night and just hang my emotions out and say ouch and others understood me totaly and backed me up. to them i was norrmal on a normal roller coster ride all of us understood but if you werent a military mom well or a family member of one well it was a tough call for the understanding department.
so i lived there day and night. i remember one thanksgiving my hubby was working and i went in cause i was here at home alone. and i spent the day reading every post there was and posting something to each one. just for something to do and for some kind of connection to the outside world that day.
being a military mom and belonging to a group of people that were military moms helped me feel like i was normal and connected .
and yes during the war i watched as other moms burried their sons and daugthers on the board there and we held prayer services for each one.
i also watched as babies were born to our inlisted as well as their families.
and i watched as we got news of those who were wounded and whoses families were in need of alot of prayers as they traveled to germany to see their soldier.
and i watched as we celebrated the arrival on US soil of those returning home unharmed .
there is a deep bond that goes with being a military mom one all of us that are or have been can be very proud of.
in fact i am a mother now of a navy vet.
i remember when that happened . and i thought ok wow now i am done and i can leave or i should at least leave the military moms. so i did just that.
only to find that wasnt going to happen none to soon. i found out there were people out there hunted for my posts and read them all the time. and wanted to hear from me even if it was none military postings anymore.i was told i had a positive way of looking at anything.
well i got to say. that didnt come because of self. that came because of the military moms. it came to be during the time i was in there.
i had had enough of the crying all day and night for me that is. enough of the not feeling like i was living but sitting and waiting all day and night for the next shoe to fall so to speek. enough of the wondering and enough of the what ifs and your next and if if if .
not to say for one min this moms heart wasnt concerned or worried at all. but i figured out i didnt have to live with the deep stuff of horror.
so i began one day with crissy aka the princess of the tissues or some such posting where i began to talk about things like i had a bad cold and felt like i was supporting the tissue companies not just with that cold but all the tears i shed just being a mom. and i kept posting in a light hummorus way. talking about my everyday problems and then talking about the good things that happened that day even if it was something tiny . but i hung onto the tiny positive things like so many life preservers thrown over board to me.
i talked about my adventures with the grand kids yea for grandkids . they were my real life heros during the time my son was in the navy. because i was busy taking care of them as a day care provider and we went on so many adventures because of it all that i had no choice but to keep my chin up.
i will post more about being a military mom and what it was like for me. again. but for now its time for this gal to have am coffee with her vietnam vetern hubby before he leaves again today and goes back to work at the local mine here out of town for 4 more weeks. and wouldnt you know his cell phone dont work out there grrrrrrrr. so its limited phone calls again and at odd hours. thank god i have a cell phone he can reach me anywhere i am anytime .
hugs and love and tons of prayers from me crissy aka (Crissy Ira's mom) in alaska
that was during the time the bagdad blogger was the hot deal and i actually was busy reading his blog of what it was like for a private citizen in bagdad to go through the war.
at the same time i ran across alot of blogs done by our own military soldiers those kept going while they were in the service but once they got out poof gone.
anyway.
during that time i began to blog . not alot but i blogged.
i also ran into one of the best support groups on line any military mom would ever want to gett involved with and that is the military moms.net link located on the side here under links.
for me it was a place i could run to anytime day or night and just hang my emotions out and say ouch and others understood me totaly and backed me up. to them i was norrmal on a normal roller coster ride all of us understood but if you werent a military mom well or a family member of one well it was a tough call for the understanding department.
so i lived there day and night. i remember one thanksgiving my hubby was working and i went in cause i was here at home alone. and i spent the day reading every post there was and posting something to each one. just for something to do and for some kind of connection to the outside world that day.
being a military mom and belonging to a group of people that were military moms helped me feel like i was normal and connected .
and yes during the war i watched as other moms burried their sons and daugthers on the board there and we held prayer services for each one.
i also watched as babies were born to our inlisted as well as their families.
and i watched as we got news of those who were wounded and whoses families were in need of alot of prayers as they traveled to germany to see their soldier.
and i watched as we celebrated the arrival on US soil of those returning home unharmed .
there is a deep bond that goes with being a military mom one all of us that are or have been can be very proud of.
in fact i am a mother now of a navy vet.
i remember when that happened . and i thought ok wow now i am done and i can leave or i should at least leave the military moms. so i did just that.
only to find that wasnt going to happen none to soon. i found out there were people out there hunted for my posts and read them all the time. and wanted to hear from me even if it was none military postings anymore.i was told i had a positive way of looking at anything.
well i got to say. that didnt come because of self. that came because of the military moms. it came to be during the time i was in there.
i had had enough of the crying all day and night for me that is. enough of the not feeling like i was living but sitting and waiting all day and night for the next shoe to fall so to speek. enough of the wondering and enough of the what ifs and your next and if if if .
not to say for one min this moms heart wasnt concerned or worried at all. but i figured out i didnt have to live with the deep stuff of horror.
so i began one day with crissy aka the princess of the tissues or some such posting where i began to talk about things like i had a bad cold and felt like i was supporting the tissue companies not just with that cold but all the tears i shed just being a mom. and i kept posting in a light hummorus way. talking about my everyday problems and then talking about the good things that happened that day even if it was something tiny . but i hung onto the tiny positive things like so many life preservers thrown over board to me.
i talked about my adventures with the grand kids yea for grandkids . they were my real life heros during the time my son was in the navy. because i was busy taking care of them as a day care provider and we went on so many adventures because of it all that i had no choice but to keep my chin up.
i will post more about being a military mom and what it was like for me. again. but for now its time for this gal to have am coffee with her vietnam vetern hubby before he leaves again today and goes back to work at the local mine here out of town for 4 more weeks. and wouldnt you know his cell phone dont work out there grrrrrrrr. so its limited phone calls again and at odd hours. thank god i have a cell phone he can reach me anywhere i am anytime .
hugs and love and tons of prayers from me crissy aka (Crissy Ira's mom) in alaska
Monday, January 08, 2007
boy the things you remember later :) the fire across the street that almost took us out.
my son was leaving gitmo after a few months serving there. he called me to say i will be back at base on such and such day.
i was of course happy to hear that. But what i remember is that sunday morning that week end he called us the church across the street went up in flames. you can park a small truck length wise between the side of the chruch and our front door that is how close it was.
it happened early in the am some kid now doing some 40 years in jail started the fire. took out the church and one home. no one was hurt thank god. and my home was spared thank god. in fact all i could think of was my son had gone through all of his time in the navy the bombing of the cole, 9-11, serving overr seas in japan and other countries in that area, Iraq, and then lastly gitmo bay and if all went bad that one sunday am i would have had to call him and tell him we had no home for him to come home too. as it is i didnt have too. but it was scarey. i found for the second time since he had entered the navy i was running for my life from a local fire. the last one taking out half a block not three blocks away from us in the down town area.
i remember going to the frontroom after hearing fire trucks thinking hum wonder what is going on. only to find hubby standing there looking out the frontroom window. he said the chruch is on fire. by the time i went back to my room grabbed my cell phone and came back calling my daughter and letting her know one corner of the church was obviously in flames. i went back grabbed what i could and got dressed. and by that time in a matter of mins the roof was totally in flames smoke pouring out everywhere.
it was an old chruch so it went fast. and because the church wasnt into putting in alot of new things it burned clean too. thank god for that one. the one down down had so much material in it that it burned toxic fumes.
anyway my daugher came to pick me up had to park a few blocks away and i went to her house for the day. hubby followed later on with the dogs we couldnt find our cat at all dont have a clue where she hide on us and he had to leave the birds as it was we did loose our love bird to smoke inhilation a week later.
i remember one talk my son and i did have after he began to talk to us all again. he mentioned us almost loosing him in a bombing in Iraq. and i thought you know you came so close to loosing us too in two fires here.
anyway al turned out ok . i love email and now that he dont have email anymore . i do love cell phones we are busy all the time text messaging each other.
hugs and love and happy new year from this vet mom to all of you :)
i was of course happy to hear that. But what i remember is that sunday morning that week end he called us the church across the street went up in flames. you can park a small truck length wise between the side of the chruch and our front door that is how close it was.
it happened early in the am some kid now doing some 40 years in jail started the fire. took out the church and one home. no one was hurt thank god. and my home was spared thank god. in fact all i could think of was my son had gone through all of his time in the navy the bombing of the cole, 9-11, serving overr seas in japan and other countries in that area, Iraq, and then lastly gitmo bay and if all went bad that one sunday am i would have had to call him and tell him we had no home for him to come home too. as it is i didnt have too. but it was scarey. i found for the second time since he had entered the navy i was running for my life from a local fire. the last one taking out half a block not three blocks away from us in the down town area.
i remember going to the frontroom after hearing fire trucks thinking hum wonder what is going on. only to find hubby standing there looking out the frontroom window. he said the chruch is on fire. by the time i went back to my room grabbed my cell phone and came back calling my daughter and letting her know one corner of the church was obviously in flames. i went back grabbed what i could and got dressed. and by that time in a matter of mins the roof was totally in flames smoke pouring out everywhere.
it was an old chruch so it went fast. and because the church wasnt into putting in alot of new things it burned clean too. thank god for that one. the one down down had so much material in it that it burned toxic fumes.
anyway my daugher came to pick me up had to park a few blocks away and i went to her house for the day. hubby followed later on with the dogs we couldnt find our cat at all dont have a clue where she hide on us and he had to leave the birds as it was we did loose our love bird to smoke inhilation a week later.
i remember one talk my son and i did have after he began to talk to us all again. he mentioned us almost loosing him in a bombing in Iraq. and i thought you know you came so close to loosing us too in two fires here.
anyway al turned out ok . i love email and now that he dont have email anymore . i do love cell phones we are busy all the time text messaging each other.
hugs and love and happy new year from this vet mom to all of you :)
Friday, December 01, 2006
i can no longer remember the date of when my son got out. but what i remember is i got the call that he was out of iraq. and then nothing . and i mean nothing. not a phone call not a letter not a card nothing for about three months. the family was frantic this silence was killing us all slowly. my son wouldnt talk to anyone but his one sister who was not passing along much of anything to us at all on how he was or nothing. we were all in the dark. totally.
and my mothers heart as tramatised as it was sometimes wondered if i lost him in iraq and just wasnt facing the tune. that is how crazy i was and how crazy this total silent thing he had going was driving me.
three months with out a word how come his sister wouldnt just let us all know what was going on? heck if i know she wasnt my daughter just his sister by his real dad. and communicating with the family seemed to end on her side once he got out.
it was totally aweful
this young man my youngest child and youngest son who swore when he went into the navy that he couldnt wait to get out and come home to all of us suddenly ran the other way. suddenly acted like he hated us or didnt want a thing to do with any of us at all ever again. and it was just killing me
my hubby finally in talking to him once he called convinced him to seek counciling before he got out of the navy it took a few calls before my son would finally seek that help. but he did .
still he wouldnt come home. he moved close to his sister and it took me along time to just put it all to rest and let go finally and say ok its ok and i am glad he has someone to run too even if its not me or his closest sister he grew up with who is my youngest daughter.
its been well past a year now since he got out of the navy and he still hasnt moved home but at least he is living someplace with a purpose in mind. and that is to get some schooling.
he still doesnt talk to his ma much but for me for now that is ok. and he still isnt coming home. he doesnt know why yet but that is the way it is for now.
until he comes home his navy flag... the us flag and the yellow ribbon will hang in my window. and for now with me its all ok ..........
it isnt over yet. by far.
USA Navy Vetern mom signing out. until we met again
and my mothers heart as tramatised as it was sometimes wondered if i lost him in iraq and just wasnt facing the tune. that is how crazy i was and how crazy this total silent thing he had going was driving me.
three months with out a word how come his sister wouldnt just let us all know what was going on? heck if i know she wasnt my daughter just his sister by his real dad. and communicating with the family seemed to end on her side once he got out.
it was totally aweful
this young man my youngest child and youngest son who swore when he went into the navy that he couldnt wait to get out and come home to all of us suddenly ran the other way. suddenly acted like he hated us or didnt want a thing to do with any of us at all ever again. and it was just killing me
my hubby finally in talking to him once he called convinced him to seek counciling before he got out of the navy it took a few calls before my son would finally seek that help. but he did .
still he wouldnt come home. he moved close to his sister and it took me along time to just put it all to rest and let go finally and say ok its ok and i am glad he has someone to run too even if its not me or his closest sister he grew up with who is my youngest daughter.
its been well past a year now since he got out of the navy and he still hasnt moved home but at least he is living someplace with a purpose in mind. and that is to get some schooling.
he still doesnt talk to his ma much but for me for now that is ok. and he still isnt coming home. he doesnt know why yet but that is the way it is for now.
until he comes home his navy flag... the us flag and the yellow ribbon will hang in my window. and for now with me its all ok ..........
it isnt over yet. by far.
USA Navy Vetern mom signing out. until we met again
his time in Iraq
alot of time has gone by since i began this post of being a Navy Mom. since then my son has gone to Iraq and also to Gitmo Bay and has gotten out of the Navy in one peice yahooooooooooo. but the tramma of being a Navy Mom didnt end there.
let me pick up this story where i left off.
i was last seen in here a total basket case and that wasnt going to stop in fact it was going to become far worse then i had ever thought it could become.
my son came home to alaska on his last leave. and we sat and talked at the breakfast bar here and he was telling me flat out about his buddies that he lost in iraq . my son was a navy medical corpsman and for some reason he was seperated from his frist unit after they spent all that time togeather and had gone to japan for a year and back. well his troops went to bagdad with out him. and during the frist week there 12 of them were lost. it hunted my son totally and i knew it. and i knew in my heart when he talked about them he was looking for something from me. something that was... i knew going to be the toughest thing a mother could do. so finally i said almost in tears. son a man has to do what a man has to do. if you have to go then go and know i love you know my prayers will follow you no matter where you go . always.
he left for the base shortly after that and then i got my call and he told me... ma i am heading for Iraq. i said in what turned out to be one of the smallest voices a mom could muster ok i love you . and that was it he was gone.
during his time over there which went from aug to i think around feb a 6 month tour . i was suddenly dead flat broke. not a penny coming in at all . hubby was working but what he made sure didnt cover a thing.
so i sat in tears at christmas and made paper cards and sent him one card per day sent him stories and home made orniments.
i felt so so badly that for the whole time he was in the navy this one time of it all i couldnt do a thing for him
and i cried and i cried and i prayed and i prayed and i logged onto military moms.net and i posted and read and kept in touch with other military moms
because i found alot of people didnt understand the total horror a mother goes through emotionally when they have a child in harms way.
i had people come up to me and ask how he was only to listen to them say you know your not the only one with a kid in this war you should get over it. like i said something horribly wrong. i learned early on not to mention what i was going through and to smile and nodd and say oh yea he is fine. and move on quickly
no one came to my home and said here is a meal or thanks for what your son is doing . or here is a hug. i walked this road totally alone at home but for the miltitary moms on line i would have gone totally nuts.
the 6 months my son did in Iraq were by far the longest months of my life. ones i personally wouldnt wish on anyone .
he called when he could and kept it so so short. but his calls where few and very far between.
i remember our talk before he left. i said to him i dont know if i could go on if something happened to you it would just devistate me. he took me in his arms and held me while i cried and said mom its going to be ok i will be fine and if i die you will go on and live a long happy life ok promise me that . i did and that was it . he lived and came home with out harm to body.
butttttttttt...........
let me pick up this story where i left off.
i was last seen in here a total basket case and that wasnt going to stop in fact it was going to become far worse then i had ever thought it could become.
my son came home to alaska on his last leave. and we sat and talked at the breakfast bar here and he was telling me flat out about his buddies that he lost in iraq . my son was a navy medical corpsman and for some reason he was seperated from his frist unit after they spent all that time togeather and had gone to japan for a year and back. well his troops went to bagdad with out him. and during the frist week there 12 of them were lost. it hunted my son totally and i knew it. and i knew in my heart when he talked about them he was looking for something from me. something that was... i knew going to be the toughest thing a mother could do. so finally i said almost in tears. son a man has to do what a man has to do. if you have to go then go and know i love you know my prayers will follow you no matter where you go . always.
he left for the base shortly after that and then i got my call and he told me... ma i am heading for Iraq. i said in what turned out to be one of the smallest voices a mom could muster ok i love you . and that was it he was gone.
during his time over there which went from aug to i think around feb a 6 month tour . i was suddenly dead flat broke. not a penny coming in at all . hubby was working but what he made sure didnt cover a thing.
so i sat in tears at christmas and made paper cards and sent him one card per day sent him stories and home made orniments.
i felt so so badly that for the whole time he was in the navy this one time of it all i couldnt do a thing for him
and i cried and i cried and i prayed and i prayed and i logged onto military moms.net and i posted and read and kept in touch with other military moms
because i found alot of people didnt understand the total horror a mother goes through emotionally when they have a child in harms way.
i had people come up to me and ask how he was only to listen to them say you know your not the only one with a kid in this war you should get over it. like i said something horribly wrong. i learned early on not to mention what i was going through and to smile and nodd and say oh yea he is fine. and move on quickly
no one came to my home and said here is a meal or thanks for what your son is doing . or here is a hug. i walked this road totally alone at home but for the miltitary moms on line i would have gone totally nuts.
the 6 months my son did in Iraq were by far the longest months of my life. ones i personally wouldnt wish on anyone .
he called when he could and kept it so so short. but his calls where few and very far between.
i remember our talk before he left. i said to him i dont know if i could go on if something happened to you it would just devistate me. he took me in his arms and held me while i cried and said mom its going to be ok i will be fine and if i die you will go on and live a long happy life ok promise me that . i did and that was it . he lived and came home with out harm to body.
butttttttttt...........
Friday, May 20, 2005
Laugh or cry its my choice
you know they say if life gives you lemons make lemonaide? yea right that is just exactly what i thought back then . i couldnt have seen the forrest through the trees back then or the humor in anything back then . I was lucky if i could get up and face one day and get by with out panicing or having major anxiety attacks. it was aweful.
i would jump when the phone rang or when someone knocked on the door before noon.
periodically i would be fine and then all it would take was one thing to set me off and i was back in that box of fear. not able to eat or sleep to scared to face anything.
i began to take a look at where i was and try to make some changes.
i think the first thing that stuck me and helped was knowing that my own ma god rest her soul had done this very thing with more then one son in vietnam and here i was carrying on like this with one son in the navy.
then i thought how in the heck did they do it during world war one and two or any other war for that fact. then i began to see what some of my major source of trouble was and put huge distances between me and those things. one was the news back then any news for the wars took forever to arrive here for anyone to see. by the time they got ahold of it it was all old news anyway and you may as well not take it to heart. good thing to notice right? not so with now everything happening in this war was instantly played in our homes via tv. then of course my home page on line being msn ran the news of the wars too so it was... ok log on and run past that quickly. dont look now dont make things worse then they are. right? kinda a kin to shoving my head in the sand and keeping it there . but hey sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
yep i noticed right off that i had to stop watching the news or picking up news papers in fact i once said the news on the tv was worse then the terroirsts because they had this need to replay the whole thing over and over like a broken record day and night over and over until you could see the towers going down with your eyes closed. they did the same thing pretty much with both the afganistan war and the Iraq war too. not to mention the other things going on after the towers such as the antrax scares. yep i did occasionally give in and watch but very quickly knew it was not the thing to do because i noticed i was very upset once i did that. so i kept avoiding it best i could.
time has a way of healing all wounds if you give it a chance that is for sure.
i remember during the time my son was in Iraq and i was a basket case and couldnt seem to pull out of it we lost a good friend of ours and after that one morning i could hear her voice as clear as a bell saying " your alive why don't you act like it" those words rang in my head for along time and during that time i decided those words were right on the money and so for weeks i woke up and pretended i was ok i woke up and said today i am alive. and i would fight to get out of bed and funtion as a normal human being and not give into nothing. i would put on that fake smile and just go go go and finally the smile wasnt fake and getting up was a pleasure again.
you see during that time in the beginning of his being in iraq i went to the doctors and was in such a panic over being sick that the only thing i walked out of there with were drugs to keep my mind in one peice but nothing for the illness i did have or cold what ever it was.
well all good and well. i am glad this new doctor had somethng in mind but you see i would never make a good junkie you cant get me to take nothing unless i know its something going to save my life for sure. being nuts is not in that area as far as i am concerened. and pills wont fix the problem of what is going on in my life after all the only solution i could see back then and at any time this thing reared its ugly head was for my son to not be in the Navy at all and that isnt going to happen so it was up to me to learn to live with it and deal and that is what i struggled to do . at one time during my daughters visit to me from out of state it was reported that i was screaming in my sleep that is how bad i got. but only those close to me knew what nighmares i lived with . those not had no clue. because i only shared with those i trusted totally.
i ran into the bagdad blogger back then too during the beginning of the Iraq war and kept track of his blogs. i dont know him personally but how he was dealing with being over there as a civilion really hit me. through that blog and others that hit the news back then i located other blogs of note and decided there was something to all this so i began one of my own. i didnt feel comfortable talking about my experiences back then so i wrote about the hummor in my everyday life.
anything back then but the war at hand was what i talked about and when i did talk about my son i did it fast and went on. like i didnt want to sit and think to hard about any of it .
i have lived with about all of it now the ups downs and the roller coaster ride of being a military mom and its really my choice if i want to laugh or cry. personally ???????? i choose to laugh. no matter what comes my way i dont want to go back to that closet of fear or panic or not being able to go through one day with out crying my eyes out. i would rather smile and laugh and know no matter what country my son is in today the same sky is over our heads and i can look up and see the sky and know god set those stars there for all of us no matter where we are. :)))
i would jump when the phone rang or when someone knocked on the door before noon.
periodically i would be fine and then all it would take was one thing to set me off and i was back in that box of fear. not able to eat or sleep to scared to face anything.
i began to take a look at where i was and try to make some changes.
i think the first thing that stuck me and helped was knowing that my own ma god rest her soul had done this very thing with more then one son in vietnam and here i was carrying on like this with one son in the navy.
then i thought how in the heck did they do it during world war one and two or any other war for that fact. then i began to see what some of my major source of trouble was and put huge distances between me and those things. one was the news back then any news for the wars took forever to arrive here for anyone to see. by the time they got ahold of it it was all old news anyway and you may as well not take it to heart. good thing to notice right? not so with now everything happening in this war was instantly played in our homes via tv. then of course my home page on line being msn ran the news of the wars too so it was... ok log on and run past that quickly. dont look now dont make things worse then they are. right? kinda a kin to shoving my head in the sand and keeping it there . but hey sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
yep i noticed right off that i had to stop watching the news or picking up news papers in fact i once said the news on the tv was worse then the terroirsts because they had this need to replay the whole thing over and over like a broken record day and night over and over until you could see the towers going down with your eyes closed. they did the same thing pretty much with both the afganistan war and the Iraq war too. not to mention the other things going on after the towers such as the antrax scares. yep i did occasionally give in and watch but very quickly knew it was not the thing to do because i noticed i was very upset once i did that. so i kept avoiding it best i could.
time has a way of healing all wounds if you give it a chance that is for sure.
i remember during the time my son was in Iraq and i was a basket case and couldnt seem to pull out of it we lost a good friend of ours and after that one morning i could hear her voice as clear as a bell saying " your alive why don't you act like it" those words rang in my head for along time and during that time i decided those words were right on the money and so for weeks i woke up and pretended i was ok i woke up and said today i am alive. and i would fight to get out of bed and funtion as a normal human being and not give into nothing. i would put on that fake smile and just go go go and finally the smile wasnt fake and getting up was a pleasure again.
you see during that time in the beginning of his being in iraq i went to the doctors and was in such a panic over being sick that the only thing i walked out of there with were drugs to keep my mind in one peice but nothing for the illness i did have or cold what ever it was.
well all good and well. i am glad this new doctor had somethng in mind but you see i would never make a good junkie you cant get me to take nothing unless i know its something going to save my life for sure. being nuts is not in that area as far as i am concerened. and pills wont fix the problem of what is going on in my life after all the only solution i could see back then and at any time this thing reared its ugly head was for my son to not be in the Navy at all and that isnt going to happen so it was up to me to learn to live with it and deal and that is what i struggled to do . at one time during my daughters visit to me from out of state it was reported that i was screaming in my sleep that is how bad i got. but only those close to me knew what nighmares i lived with . those not had no clue. because i only shared with those i trusted totally.
i ran into the bagdad blogger back then too during the beginning of the Iraq war and kept track of his blogs. i dont know him personally but how he was dealing with being over there as a civilion really hit me. through that blog and others that hit the news back then i located other blogs of note and decided there was something to all this so i began one of my own. i didnt feel comfortable talking about my experiences back then so i wrote about the hummor in my everyday life.
anything back then but the war at hand was what i talked about and when i did talk about my son i did it fast and went on. like i didnt want to sit and think to hard about any of it .
i have lived with about all of it now the ups downs and the roller coaster ride of being a military mom and its really my choice if i want to laugh or cry. personally ???????? i choose to laugh. no matter what comes my way i dont want to go back to that closet of fear or panic or not being able to go through one day with out crying my eyes out. i would rather smile and laugh and know no matter what country my son is in today the same sky is over our heads and i can look up and see the sky and know god set those stars there for all of us no matter where we are. :)))
Your a navy Mom !!!
about the time of 9-11 and the war broke out in afganistan is then i began to notice things .
it began with a few people in our area . i didnt know what to think there i was a walking emtional wound and i was getting serious negitive feed back anytime i said my son is in the navy. i got SOOO? we have people with kids in the war what makes you so privialged? well i wasnt asking for anything i was just saying i was a navy mom. and i got that along with alot of anti war stuff thrown at me. i very quckly decided my best defence was to keep my mouth shut and not talk. i even got alot of flack out of some family members. like taking all of this out on me would change what was going on anywhere in the world. it sure as heck wasnt going to change what was happening to my family as a direct fact of my son being in the navy.
yes i was a wreck this was not only my youngest child but he was his fathers only son. which just made matters far worse for me.
well i am not one to sit and let things get to out of hand for along time i fight tooth and nail to keep my emtional footing and gain it back if lost. so i did what i could to find a place where i could let it all hang out and say i am scared and my son is in the navy and not get attacked . so i went on line and i found the miltary moms . i tell you i lived in that sight. and i learned alot about being a military mom.
i found out i didnt have it near as bad as some moms who did have children in the war. i already knew that but now i was privy to exactly what they were going through the ups and downs of it all and so began along period of time where all i could do was go in and leave posts and reply to those i could and live with the it could still happen to me . this ma that i am talking to could be me. i watched as mothers and wives got flags back instead of loved ones as we sat in the chat room and prayed for their loved ones and for family and we had our services for those we lost.
and i lived for a long time with this could be me before it was me. and i grew alot during that time. enough to survive it all when he was finally the one going to war but not enough to keep my emotions totally under control during that time.
not once during the time my son was not in the war did any of the moms on line say anything to me that was negative or put me down or walk on my emotions if i happend to have a bad hair day and was totally scared or worried they stood by me shored me up and helped me out and gave me hugs.
that is what i looked for and found in the military moms on line and that is what kept me going back there.
at that time too i walked away from alot of people on my email list because of the same sort of stuff i was getting from people around my own town. now i am not the kind of person to sit and cry like a baby to people if you ask me how i am doing i will be honest and say not so good if you asked me how come i would say worried about my son in the navy. but i never thought doing that would bring out the worst in others during that time but it did.
so i lost alot of on line so called friends and learned who i could talk to and who i couldnt talk to. i even left a chat room because of the negative response i got one time when i went in and said i am scared because by then i had gotten word my son was heading to Iraq and i got well my family member is over there on the front lines yours wont be on the front lines so and it just got worse from there. now mind you i never said were he would be stationed over there because his rule with me was to tell me only the country he would be in but never the location. i really was hurt badly by what was thrown at me that day and so i left. and didnt return . i didnt need that at all and no one in that room that knew me even bothered to stand up for me when i got that attack. i didnt know what to think.
it was the same thing with an email group i belonged to when i got attacked in there after asking for prayers i left. i will just not be a part of something if i am getting walked on. period.
so what is the best thing to do or locate in self ? for one it was a very close walk with God i began to talk to him and pray to him like i never did before . like he was right there with me.
and i found i had to keep my sence of hummor in everything that happend i had to find something to laugh at. that made alot of things i encountered alot easier to take or leave.
see i am not unique i am noting special. nothing to really notice or applaud no i am just a Navy MoM trying to get through this roller coaster ride i didnt sign up for at all or want on but am on .'in the end they say the miltary takes a son and gives you back a man? well it takes a mom and gives you back a tougher person even us moms grow alot in our experiences as military moms.
it began with a few people in our area . i didnt know what to think there i was a walking emtional wound and i was getting serious negitive feed back anytime i said my son is in the navy. i got SOOO? we have people with kids in the war what makes you so privialged? well i wasnt asking for anything i was just saying i was a navy mom. and i got that along with alot of anti war stuff thrown at me. i very quckly decided my best defence was to keep my mouth shut and not talk. i even got alot of flack out of some family members. like taking all of this out on me would change what was going on anywhere in the world. it sure as heck wasnt going to change what was happening to my family as a direct fact of my son being in the navy.
yes i was a wreck this was not only my youngest child but he was his fathers only son. which just made matters far worse for me.
well i am not one to sit and let things get to out of hand for along time i fight tooth and nail to keep my emtional footing and gain it back if lost. so i did what i could to find a place where i could let it all hang out and say i am scared and my son is in the navy and not get attacked . so i went on line and i found the miltary moms . i tell you i lived in that sight. and i learned alot about being a military mom.
i found out i didnt have it near as bad as some moms who did have children in the war. i already knew that but now i was privy to exactly what they were going through the ups and downs of it all and so began along period of time where all i could do was go in and leave posts and reply to those i could and live with the it could still happen to me . this ma that i am talking to could be me. i watched as mothers and wives got flags back instead of loved ones as we sat in the chat room and prayed for their loved ones and for family and we had our services for those we lost.
and i lived for a long time with this could be me before it was me. and i grew alot during that time. enough to survive it all when he was finally the one going to war but not enough to keep my emotions totally under control during that time.
not once during the time my son was not in the war did any of the moms on line say anything to me that was negative or put me down or walk on my emotions if i happend to have a bad hair day and was totally scared or worried they stood by me shored me up and helped me out and gave me hugs.
that is what i looked for and found in the military moms on line and that is what kept me going back there.
at that time too i walked away from alot of people on my email list because of the same sort of stuff i was getting from people around my own town. now i am not the kind of person to sit and cry like a baby to people if you ask me how i am doing i will be honest and say not so good if you asked me how come i would say worried about my son in the navy. but i never thought doing that would bring out the worst in others during that time but it did.
so i lost alot of on line so called friends and learned who i could talk to and who i couldnt talk to. i even left a chat room because of the negative response i got one time when i went in and said i am scared because by then i had gotten word my son was heading to Iraq and i got well my family member is over there on the front lines yours wont be on the front lines so and it just got worse from there. now mind you i never said were he would be stationed over there because his rule with me was to tell me only the country he would be in but never the location. i really was hurt badly by what was thrown at me that day and so i left. and didnt return . i didnt need that at all and no one in that room that knew me even bothered to stand up for me when i got that attack. i didnt know what to think.
it was the same thing with an email group i belonged to when i got attacked in there after asking for prayers i left. i will just not be a part of something if i am getting walked on. period.
so what is the best thing to do or locate in self ? for one it was a very close walk with God i began to talk to him and pray to him like i never did before . like he was right there with me.
and i found i had to keep my sence of hummor in everything that happend i had to find something to laugh at. that made alot of things i encountered alot easier to take or leave.
see i am not unique i am noting special. nothing to really notice or applaud no i am just a Navy MoM trying to get through this roller coaster ride i didnt sign up for at all or want on but am on .'in the end they say the miltary takes a son and gives you back a man? well it takes a mom and gives you back a tougher person even us moms grow alot in our experiences as military moms.
9-11 and the beginning of a nightmare that would last for a long time
i remeber well standing in the front room alone that am turning on the tv and tuning into the news. well i actually dont watch the news but when i was trying to pick out a channel to watch i ran into the news that am and thought hey wait a min what are they doing playing a disaster movie on here for ? So i flipped by it and noticed that the other news channels had the same thing on them. and i figured ok maybe i better stop here for a few and check this out. well we all know what we saw that am on the news . and let me tell you i was not just schocked i was totally horrified. and i didnt know what to think or do when i realized what i was watching wasnt a movie. i called my husband at work right away and told him and he said they had all stopped working and were watching the news instead. i was getting pretty scared. and then i called my daughter who was if i can remeber tuned into the radio then because if memory serves me right she couldnt afford cable tv yet and you couldnt get the news with out having cable tv.
all kinds of things ran through my head as i watched in total horror as the second tower went down.
what is going on and where? is this something that is going to come our way ? if so how soon? if not what do we do from here? where are my kids and grands and how are the kids i do have out of state doing? and what in the world is going to happen to my son in the navy!!!???
i was a total wreck before the end of that day as i know so many of us across the usa were. and i knew too how much the mothers and wives and husbands and fathers and relatives of our military were going to just flat be set on edge because of this .
well i hate to say this but its the truth. for the next 5 months i was a total wreck emotionally i was almost over the edge. i couldnt sleep and my mind was going on and on . during that time i suffered a broken toe which didnt help matters.
but what really did me in was having a son in the Navy and not knowing what was going to happen to him. what would he have to do ?
it took him almost three weeks before he could actually call me . not that he couldnt he could have stood there and insisted on calling home but he said he saw the lines of people trying to get in touch with family and said " i decided to wait until the lines werent as long" so it took along time before i heard from him which didnt help me out at all. everything got shut down for along time emails puter use only thing going was phone and those didnt go up for awhile. and the black outs for bases ran wild during those days.
eventually we got in touch and he said that his unit was heading out to japan. not to worry about him . he was sure those orders wouldnt be recinded. well we were hoping but of course during that time no one knew what was going to happen next.
But in fact his unit did go to japan and once the war began in afganistan i am sure if they wanted his unit to go he and they would have gone . but instead they did end up in japan and like i said once the war started and things with korea began to act up they were given a choice stay in japan for a year and be prepared or go to the states and onto the war ? they decided to stay and watch the koren side. and so he stayed in japan for a year.
it was the begining of alot of missed holidays and special family occassions with him. and he wasnt able to take his lap top with him when he went there.
the very frist set of holidays right after 9-11 happened were the beginning of the missed holidays i rememeber getting the phone call from him and asking ok when you coming home for chirstmas ? only to here " no ma they have to put our base on alert as you know all of them are and well i did have leave for christmas but everyone that was going to leave left and there were not many of us here they asked for vollenteers to stay and helpman the base so i stood forward and said ok. so i am staying i hope you understand and i hope this is ok with you." what could i say i protest? no i said ok i do understand. it didnt set well with me at all but i understood. not only does a Navy man have to do what he has to do but his family has to do what they have to do along with him or her. make the sacrifices right along with them. and that is what i did along with every other military family in our country.
all kinds of things ran through my head as i watched in total horror as the second tower went down.
what is going on and where? is this something that is going to come our way ? if so how soon? if not what do we do from here? where are my kids and grands and how are the kids i do have out of state doing? and what in the world is going to happen to my son in the navy!!!???
i was a total wreck before the end of that day as i know so many of us across the usa were. and i knew too how much the mothers and wives and husbands and fathers and relatives of our military were going to just flat be set on edge because of this .
well i hate to say this but its the truth. for the next 5 months i was a total wreck emotionally i was almost over the edge. i couldnt sleep and my mind was going on and on . during that time i suffered a broken toe which didnt help matters.
but what really did me in was having a son in the Navy and not knowing what was going to happen to him. what would he have to do ?
it took him almost three weeks before he could actually call me . not that he couldnt he could have stood there and insisted on calling home but he said he saw the lines of people trying to get in touch with family and said " i decided to wait until the lines werent as long" so it took along time before i heard from him which didnt help me out at all. everything got shut down for along time emails puter use only thing going was phone and those didnt go up for awhile. and the black outs for bases ran wild during those days.
eventually we got in touch and he said that his unit was heading out to japan. not to worry about him . he was sure those orders wouldnt be recinded. well we were hoping but of course during that time no one knew what was going to happen next.
But in fact his unit did go to japan and once the war began in afganistan i am sure if they wanted his unit to go he and they would have gone . but instead they did end up in japan and like i said once the war started and things with korea began to act up they were given a choice stay in japan for a year and be prepared or go to the states and onto the war ? they decided to stay and watch the koren side. and so he stayed in japan for a year.
it was the begining of alot of missed holidays and special family occassions with him. and he wasnt able to take his lap top with him when he went there.
the very frist set of holidays right after 9-11 happened were the beginning of the missed holidays i rememeber getting the phone call from him and asking ok when you coming home for chirstmas ? only to here " no ma they have to put our base on alert as you know all of them are and well i did have leave for christmas but everyone that was going to leave left and there were not many of us here they asked for vollenteers to stay and helpman the base so i stood forward and said ok. so i am staying i hope you understand and i hope this is ok with you." what could i say i protest? no i said ok i do understand. it didnt set well with me at all but i understood. not only does a Navy man have to do what he has to do but his family has to do what they have to do along with him or her. make the sacrifices right along with them. and that is what i did along with every other military family in our country.
First leave
i know in writing this i am not going to remember everything nor touch on all of it . But i am going to tell you as much as i remember .
i know the first phone calls were very emotional on me and on him too. Given alot of time that passed. and we were able to talk like ...i want to say normal people but hey he is in the Navy and were at war what can be normal about that one?
what i do what to talk about it his coming home on leave. like i said between his going in and 9-11 i think we got in two of those. Now for most people that is not just a blessing but it sure dont cost as much for them as it has for us and that has placed a huge obstacle between our son and us in being able to see him and him us. see living in Alaska we may as well be living on the moon. my son couldnt afford to walk across the street now on what he made in the navy and put out a fire with a cup of free water. let alone a phone call home or even a trip to see us. oh yea the free military hops ? yea checked into those but you see the trouble with those is they take you to the closest milraty base to your home for a very tiny fee and then you pay to get yourself home from there. sooooooo being in Alaska meant his flying to Anchorage and then paying to get home to a tiny town in southeast alaska . we checked into the cost and it would be the same for him to fly directly from the base where he was stationed to seattle washington and then to here. so there was no point in even trying. and i tell you this those trips home were precious even though they cost me out the nose to see him and him us some because of the lack of notice cost us nearly $1,500 . or more one way.
But they were worth every penny .
our time with him on those leaves went by in a flash and all to soon we had to take him back to the airport and say see ya again soon. i would behave and not get emotional until he was on the plane and then all it took was the frist stop light a block away and i was a mess.
i know the first phone calls were very emotional on me and on him too. Given alot of time that passed. and we were able to talk like ...i want to say normal people but hey he is in the Navy and were at war what can be normal about that one?
what i do what to talk about it his coming home on leave. like i said between his going in and 9-11 i think we got in two of those. Now for most people that is not just a blessing but it sure dont cost as much for them as it has for us and that has placed a huge obstacle between our son and us in being able to see him and him us. see living in Alaska we may as well be living on the moon. my son couldnt afford to walk across the street now on what he made in the navy and put out a fire with a cup of free water. let alone a phone call home or even a trip to see us. oh yea the free military hops ? yea checked into those but you see the trouble with those is they take you to the closest milraty base to your home for a very tiny fee and then you pay to get yourself home from there. sooooooo being in Alaska meant his flying to Anchorage and then paying to get home to a tiny town in southeast alaska . we checked into the cost and it would be the same for him to fly directly from the base where he was stationed to seattle washington and then to here. so there was no point in even trying. and i tell you this those trips home were precious even though they cost me out the nose to see him and him us some because of the lack of notice cost us nearly $1,500 . or more one way.
But they were worth every penny .
our time with him on those leaves went by in a flash and all to soon we had to take him back to the airport and say see ya again soon. i would behave and not get emotional until he was on the plane and then all it took was the frist stop light a block away and i was a mess.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Email Email Email
I cant say enough about computers and modern tec. i tell you this much i am so glad my grandson came to me before his ma and family moved out of state and said " grandma get on line so we can keep in touch." and that began my hunt for a way to do so. At frist i hooked up webtv because i had no understanding of what it took to put a computer on line. and i sat there for two years waiting patiently for my grandsons and their ma to get on line too during which i got to know alot of wonderful people across this nation and world too and stuck up alot of friendships. i leanred alot on that old webtv but before my son had gone into the navy one of my sisters called and said i have this computer that i want to give you we need a computer with more space . i asked if it could be put on the net and she said yes it can so i went down and got it. now by that time i had one of the grandsons back here and living with me and he and my son had decided just where this computer was going and how it was going to be hooked up and the works. so that was it they went out to the art table i had and took everrything off it and placed the pc there and that was it all my art work found a new home and this area has become the pc room totally.
anway, i love email i like the fact i dont have to wait two weeks to a month to get a reply out of anyone i send something too. though sometmes some people are very busy and you dont get one out of them anyway LOL but i learned to ask for this has been read things from those that do that . that way i know they got what i sent .
once my son was on a base we asked him about email of course get this family hooked up right away is what i thought. im and email became very very important to me. and this began a site on line in msn where i began to store pictures for him so he could take part in family events and holidays and the like and if he couldnt make it home he could go there and spend time checking out what the family did. and all that . at first when i started it... it was just him and me. and then it grew to all the family members in 5 diffrent states joining in to place photos to share with him and has grown and kept going . each month we place family events on one page and anyone having a birthday or anniversary or a new baby or a wedding what ever the case may be can log on line and leave a message and tell our one gal ( my oldest daughter in another far far away state ) about it and she makes a lovely page for that event so all now can come on and sign a congrats page for those events.
it didnt take long and we dicovered that if our son had a computer of his own he could hook it up on base and not have to seek out a pc and wait to use it. so the family passed the hat around and got ahold of dell and bought him a nice lap top for christmas the the first year he was gone. i tell you what for a few years that lap top was a life line not only for him but for all of us . now being mom i am not hurt by the fact that i know he spent alot of time on line talking to his older brothers and his sisters and i got very little time with him . but that was ok for me at least he was talking to someone. if i wanted to know something all i had to do was ask.
but the arrival of the pc for our son made a huge change in how we communicated. now instead of letters by the dozen in the snail mail we sent alot of emails of course his were short and sweet and to the point and everyone in our family that knows me knows if ma emails you or writes you a snail mail letter get out the coffee and either sit and read it or print it off first and then read it because i can sure go on and on and write books for them all LOL
personally i was glad to get away from penning a letter which took alot of space on a piece of paper and well i didnt have to buy so dang many stamps . but i kept sending the post cards for awhile more not so many but i sent them.
i think now looking back i would advise mothers to encourage your children to write not so much letters but personal journals . write about feelings and about events and anything else . but learn to write. you see during the worst parts of the war and the beginning of it all i happened on... on line blogs of solders and their families and i kept up with reading those and found out later on the ones that wrote as much as they could came home the better for it all emotionally. that is why i say teach your kids to write.
anway, i love email i like the fact i dont have to wait two weeks to a month to get a reply out of anyone i send something too. though sometmes some people are very busy and you dont get one out of them anyway LOL but i learned to ask for this has been read things from those that do that . that way i know they got what i sent .
once my son was on a base we asked him about email of course get this family hooked up right away is what i thought. im and email became very very important to me. and this began a site on line in msn where i began to store pictures for him so he could take part in family events and holidays and the like and if he couldnt make it home he could go there and spend time checking out what the family did. and all that . at first when i started it... it was just him and me. and then it grew to all the family members in 5 diffrent states joining in to place photos to share with him and has grown and kept going . each month we place family events on one page and anyone having a birthday or anniversary or a new baby or a wedding what ever the case may be can log on line and leave a message and tell our one gal ( my oldest daughter in another far far away state ) about it and she makes a lovely page for that event so all now can come on and sign a congrats page for those events.
it didnt take long and we dicovered that if our son had a computer of his own he could hook it up on base and not have to seek out a pc and wait to use it. so the family passed the hat around and got ahold of dell and bought him a nice lap top for christmas the the first year he was gone. i tell you what for a few years that lap top was a life line not only for him but for all of us . now being mom i am not hurt by the fact that i know he spent alot of time on line talking to his older brothers and his sisters and i got very little time with him . but that was ok for me at least he was talking to someone. if i wanted to know something all i had to do was ask.
but the arrival of the pc for our son made a huge change in how we communicated. now instead of letters by the dozen in the snail mail we sent alot of emails of course his were short and sweet and to the point and everyone in our family that knows me knows if ma emails you or writes you a snail mail letter get out the coffee and either sit and read it or print it off first and then read it because i can sure go on and on and write books for them all LOL
personally i was glad to get away from penning a letter which took alot of space on a piece of paper and well i didnt have to buy so dang many stamps . but i kept sending the post cards for awhile more not so many but i sent them.
i think now looking back i would advise mothers to encourage your children to write not so much letters but personal journals . write about feelings and about events and anything else . but learn to write. you see during the worst parts of the war and the beginning of it all i happened on... on line blogs of solders and their families and i kept up with reading those and found out later on the ones that wrote as much as they could came home the better for it all emotionally. that is why i say teach your kids to write.
The Gydon
I wasnt able to be at his graduation because of the distance between the east coast and alaska and because of the horrible cost of travel between the two places. so instead i got the next best thing i got a tape of his graduation in the mail. I tell you what i got my hands on that tape and i ripped the package open and put it in the vcr right away. and sat and watched it all the way through several times. It was amazing to me how many young people were graduating from basics at the same time the tape was full of this sea of white Naval uniforms . If not for knowing my son had made Gydon and what unit he was in i would never have seen him on that tape. which by the way was so grainy that nothing you did could make the picture better. but i didnt much care about that i just was so happy to be even a tiny part of his graduation . soooooo I looked for the gydon and did i ever get a good show :) he marched by with that flag and i was in tears reaching out to touch his image on the screen. and once in the area they were supposed to be at the guy holding the flag behind him miss placed his area of holding his own flag and it drapped itself over my sons head . my son did nothing to move tht flag but stood there until the guy realized he should move it and my son stood at attention and just held his flag with out moving. but yet not able to see a thing.
and then as soon as it had begun it was over and he headed out to the Field medical Service School where he trained to be a Naval Medical Corpsman.
while he was there we got news of the USS Cole being bombed. I didnt know what to think and it shook me up. I remember my son calling home and talking to me about this event and us saying well while we felt badly about the loss of life i personally was glad he was in training school and not out on some boat. that is when i found out he never would be he was going to be attached to the marines. at the time i had no comprehenshion of just what that ment but it seemd ok ot me.
it didnt take long and he graduated the training school and was being assigned to a base on the west coast. which seemed very wonderrful to me that way at least he was closer to home. how could i call it that he was still along long ways away . but hey better and easier for him to get here on leave then if he were on the east coast.
At first his leaves came and went easy enough for all of us we sent for him like clock work when the time came and enjoyed our time with him. lets see we got in i think two leaves before 9-11 which would change all our lives for a long long time.
and then as soon as it had begun it was over and he headed out to the Field medical Service School where he trained to be a Naval Medical Corpsman.
while he was there we got news of the USS Cole being bombed. I didnt know what to think and it shook me up. I remember my son calling home and talking to me about this event and us saying well while we felt badly about the loss of life i personally was glad he was in training school and not out on some boat. that is when i found out he never would be he was going to be attached to the marines. at the time i had no comprehenshion of just what that ment but it seemd ok ot me.
it didnt take long and he graduated the training school and was being assigned to a base on the west coast. which seemed very wonderrful to me that way at least he was closer to home. how could i call it that he was still along long ways away . but hey better and easier for him to get here on leave then if he were on the east coast.
At first his leaves came and went easy enough for all of us we sent for him like clock work when the time came and enjoyed our time with him. lets see we got in i think two leaves before 9-11 which would change all our lives for a long long time.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
The Box
when my son called home and talked to me it was all i could do to keep from crying. i made a promise to myself that for his sake i wouldnt cry on the phone . and for ages I kept that promise. so what i did was fight it and keep the tears from falling while we talked but the min. i hung up i cried like a baby. Yep i was the one asked by him to hang up i did that faithfully for him because i knew and understood he couldnt do that. say bye see you. so i did the parting things and did the hanging up when he would say got to go .and pause. i never ever said good bye i would say ok see you again soon or i will pray for you and you pray for me. and end it .
anway, during one of our first talks he told me that i would be getting a box in the mail soon it would have in it all personal items that the navy didnt or wouldnt let him keep with him. he explained to me they sent it in the mail now because to many times in the past when the navy walked those to the front door mothers or wives or family members seeing anyone approch in uniform thought it was bad news and this was just easier.
so i was prepared some what i knew that box was going to arrive. and the day it did i knew what it was but i cried like a baby anyway. i couldnt believe the items in that box that were sent back . But that is the navy for you.
it left me with a feeling that i no longer knew what to send him at all. what could he have or keep or what . it was aweful to adjust to being a navy mom. But i did and it took along time . meanwhile i just kept writing to him daily.
anway, during one of our first talks he told me that i would be getting a box in the mail soon it would have in it all personal items that the navy didnt or wouldnt let him keep with him. he explained to me they sent it in the mail now because to many times in the past when the navy walked those to the front door mothers or wives or family members seeing anyone approch in uniform thought it was bad news and this was just easier.
so i was prepared some what i knew that box was going to arrive. and the day it did i knew what it was but i cried like a baby anyway. i couldnt believe the items in that box that were sent back . But that is the navy for you.
it left me with a feeling that i no longer knew what to send him at all. what could he have or keep or what . it was aweful to adjust to being a navy mom. But i did and it took along time . meanwhile i just kept writing to him daily.
I Will Remember You !
Sometimes you run into a song that just plays over and over in your head. I have no clue how come the class of 2000 picked out the song "I will remember you " but the words just hit me full force during my sons graduation and haunted me during his time in basics and in training .
"I will remember you
will you remember me
don't let life pass you by
weep not for the memories"
I hung on those words for along time after i put him on that plane. part of the problem was he was clear across the states on the other coast. And while alot of moms and dads got to go see the graduation of their sons or daughters from any military basic training. Logistics and money kept me from all of it. there was no way to even think I would be there to see any of it.
And that hurt me deeply.
So i did the next best thingI could do . I went out and bought stamps by the yard and paper and pens and envelopes and i sat each day and i wrote to him every am and i would sit and end my day that way too. i think i sent him about 3 to 4 letters every day.
that may seem like alot but I didn't care i know what a letter from home can do for someone in the miltary.
you see at my mothers funeral one of my brothers got up and talked about the letters he got from her faithfully while he was in vietnam. He said once a week she wrote to him and once a week all of his time there he got those letters. he said once he was out of the army he thought they would stop and not be once a week. But not our mom for the rest of her life she wrote to her son , my brother once a week with out fail. He went on to say even today he has kept in shoe boxes under his bed all of the letters she wrote to him.
you see what my brother said made a huge inpression on me so i wrote faithfully about anything , weather , cleaning house, shopping, news , who is doing what where when and you name it i kept those letters on the upbeat and kept them going.
then i decided to add post cards to those . But i got a phone call from my son saying " Ma when you send post cards dont put anything personal on them because they read those outloud to all of us so anyone not recieveing mail will not feel left out." well wahooooooooooo !!!!!!!! ideas abound. not a problem at all for me. i went out and gathered every post card i could find and sent those out amass and took them on a tour of alaska giving them triva on the back and jokes to go with and talked about things going on that were like ok number of tour ships in today, and things like that. It was about a year later i got told by my son that i was the mom that sent out the most letters of anyone duing his basics.
yes i will always remember you for sure.
my son was always on my mind during his time in the navy. in fact he is still in the navy one more year and i think of him all the time. not a day goes by that i dont.
"I will remember you
will you remember me
don't let life pass you by
weep not for the memories"
I hung on those words for along time after i put him on that plane. part of the problem was he was clear across the states on the other coast. And while alot of moms and dads got to go see the graduation of their sons or daughters from any military basic training. Logistics and money kept me from all of it. there was no way to even think I would be there to see any of it.
And that hurt me deeply.
So i did the next best thingI could do . I went out and bought stamps by the yard and paper and pens and envelopes and i sat each day and i wrote to him every am and i would sit and end my day that way too. i think i sent him about 3 to 4 letters every day.
that may seem like alot but I didn't care i know what a letter from home can do for someone in the miltary.
you see at my mothers funeral one of my brothers got up and talked about the letters he got from her faithfully while he was in vietnam. He said once a week she wrote to him and once a week all of his time there he got those letters. he said once he was out of the army he thought they would stop and not be once a week. But not our mom for the rest of her life she wrote to her son , my brother once a week with out fail. He went on to say even today he has kept in shoe boxes under his bed all of the letters she wrote to him.
you see what my brother said made a huge inpression on me so i wrote faithfully about anything , weather , cleaning house, shopping, news , who is doing what where when and you name it i kept those letters on the upbeat and kept them going.
then i decided to add post cards to those . But i got a phone call from my son saying " Ma when you send post cards dont put anything personal on them because they read those outloud to all of us so anyone not recieveing mail will not feel left out." well wahooooooooooo !!!!!!!! ideas abound. not a problem at all for me. i went out and gathered every post card i could find and sent those out amass and took them on a tour of alaska giving them triva on the back and jokes to go with and talked about things going on that were like ok number of tour ships in today, and things like that. It was about a year later i got told by my son that i was the mom that sent out the most letters of anyone duing his basics.
yes i will always remember you for sure.
my son was always on my mind during his time in the navy. in fact he is still in the navy one more year and i think of him all the time. not a day goes by that i dont.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
It was time to say see ya all to soon
So i went through graduation at the high school knowing full well time with my youngest child was marching by fast and soon I would be putting him on a plane and saying see ya soon and he would belong to the US Navy for about 5 years or so.
I tell you what. I was so proud of him when he ran down the isle to keep up with his class, yep , that is what he had to do because they turned him loose to late to be right behind the guy in front of him LOL
His graduation party was really wonderful and everyone knew in a matter of days he was leaving for basics. Clean across the country. So everyone invited showed up .
Then all to soon it was time to say see ya soon. And wave goodbye as his plane lifted off into the blue skies of that beautiful bittersweet Alaskan summer.
All I remember of that time was going home and crying for two weeks off and on. Some of it was from knowing my last child had left home and some was knowing there was no way I could talk to him on a daily basis like we had for years anymore . I kept thinking you know it would be far diffrent if he were in college I could talk to him every day if I chose too ,but with the military your at the mercey of there schedule if you get a call your lucky count your blessings .
so it took its toll on me the empty nest syndrome along with the Navy and the big question was now am I going to grow from all this too or just stay a crying blob for 5 years. Time would surely tell.
I tell you what. I was so proud of him when he ran down the isle to keep up with his class, yep , that is what he had to do because they turned him loose to late to be right behind the guy in front of him LOL
His graduation party was really wonderful and everyone knew in a matter of days he was leaving for basics. Clean across the country. So everyone invited showed up .
Then all to soon it was time to say see ya soon. And wave goodbye as his plane lifted off into the blue skies of that beautiful bittersweet Alaskan summer.
All I remember of that time was going home and crying for two weeks off and on. Some of it was from knowing my last child had left home and some was knowing there was no way I could talk to him on a daily basis like we had for years anymore . I kept thinking you know it would be far diffrent if he were in college I could talk to him every day if I chose too ,but with the military your at the mercey of there schedule if you get a call your lucky count your blessings .
so it took its toll on me the empty nest syndrome along with the Navy and the big question was now am I going to grow from all this too or just stay a crying blob for 5 years. Time would surely tell.
Looking Back to The Beginning
Looking back always helps I guess. And for me that is what I do often lately. For a while now I have been meaning to write about being a navy mom to a son that I am so very proud of. I remember when I heard those words " Ma I have signed up with the Navy I go in right after I graduate from high school this July." the impact of those words back then for me were awful you see being the wife of a Vietnam vet and the sister to three Vietnam vets I never would want to wish this on anyone. Knowing what they went through as well as the family and how blessed we were to have them all back alive not emotionally well for years but alive. I kept my mouth shut though for several months on how I felt about all this. And didn’t say a word until he asked me. Right before he was ready to leave for basic. Then I told him " you could have picked anything but this a priest --but this? And then I said that is ok its your choice and I will back you from here on out never mind what I think I will get used to this." After all every man in our family close to him and I had pointed out we were in peace times so its safe. And I took allot of comfort in that. Yep little did any of us know what was around that corner soon enough.
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