you know they say if life gives you lemons make lemonaide? yea right that is just exactly what i thought back then . i couldnt have seen the forrest through the trees back then or the humor in anything back then . I was lucky if i could get up and face one day and get by with out panicing or having major anxiety attacks. it was aweful.
i would jump when the phone rang or when someone knocked on the door before noon.
periodically i would be fine and then all it would take was one thing to set me off and i was back in that box of fear. not able to eat or sleep to scared to face anything.
i began to take a look at where i was and try to make some changes.
i think the first thing that stuck me and helped was knowing that my own ma god rest her soul had done this very thing with more then one son in vietnam and here i was carrying on like this with one son in the navy.
then i thought how in the heck did they do it during world war one and two or any other war for that fact. then i began to see what some of my major source of trouble was and put huge distances between me and those things. one was the news back then any news for the wars took forever to arrive here for anyone to see. by the time they got ahold of it it was all old news anyway and you may as well not take it to heart. good thing to notice right? not so with now everything happening in this war was instantly played in our homes via tv. then of course my home page on line being msn ran the news of the wars too so it was... ok log on and run past that quickly. dont look now dont make things worse then they are. right? kinda a kin to shoving my head in the sand and keeping it there . but hey sometimes you got to do what you got to do.
yep i noticed right off that i had to stop watching the news or picking up news papers in fact i once said the news on the tv was worse then the terroirsts because they had this need to replay the whole thing over and over like a broken record day and night over and over until you could see the towers going down with your eyes closed. they did the same thing pretty much with both the afganistan war and the Iraq war too. not to mention the other things going on after the towers such as the antrax scares. yep i did occasionally give in and watch but very quickly knew it was not the thing to do because i noticed i was very upset once i did that. so i kept avoiding it best i could.
time has a way of healing all wounds if you give it a chance that is for sure.
i remember during the time my son was in Iraq and i was a basket case and couldnt seem to pull out of it we lost a good friend of ours and after that one morning i could hear her voice as clear as a bell saying " your alive why don't you act like it" those words rang in my head for along time and during that time i decided those words were right on the money and so for weeks i woke up and pretended i was ok i woke up and said today i am alive. and i would fight to get out of bed and funtion as a normal human being and not give into nothing. i would put on that fake smile and just go go go and finally the smile wasnt fake and getting up was a pleasure again.
you see during that time in the beginning of his being in iraq i went to the doctors and was in such a panic over being sick that the only thing i walked out of there with were drugs to keep my mind in one peice but nothing for the illness i did have or cold what ever it was.
well all good and well. i am glad this new doctor had somethng in mind but you see i would never make a good junkie you cant get me to take nothing unless i know its something going to save my life for sure. being nuts is not in that area as far as i am concerened. and pills wont fix the problem of what is going on in my life after all the only solution i could see back then and at any time this thing reared its ugly head was for my son to not be in the Navy at all and that isnt going to happen so it was up to me to learn to live with it and deal and that is what i struggled to do . at one time during my daughters visit to me from out of state it was reported that i was screaming in my sleep that is how bad i got. but only those close to me knew what nighmares i lived with . those not had no clue. because i only shared with those i trusted totally.
i ran into the bagdad blogger back then too during the beginning of the Iraq war and kept track of his blogs. i dont know him personally but how he was dealing with being over there as a civilion really hit me. through that blog and others that hit the news back then i located other blogs of note and decided there was something to all this so i began one of my own. i didnt feel comfortable talking about my experiences back then so i wrote about the hummor in my everyday life.
anything back then but the war at hand was what i talked about and when i did talk about my son i did it fast and went on. like i didnt want to sit and think to hard about any of it .
i have lived with about all of it now the ups downs and the roller coaster ride of being a military mom and its really my choice if i want to laugh or cry. personally ???????? i choose to laugh. no matter what comes my way i dont want to go back to that closet of fear or panic or not being able to go through one day with out crying my eyes out. i would rather smile and laugh and know no matter what country my son is in today the same sky is over our heads and i can look up and see the sky and know god set those stars there for all of us no matter where we are. :)))
Friday, May 20, 2005
Your a navy Mom !!!
about the time of 9-11 and the war broke out in afganistan is then i began to notice things .
it began with a few people in our area . i didnt know what to think there i was a walking emtional wound and i was getting serious negitive feed back anytime i said my son is in the navy. i got SOOO? we have people with kids in the war what makes you so privialged? well i wasnt asking for anything i was just saying i was a navy mom. and i got that along with alot of anti war stuff thrown at me. i very quckly decided my best defence was to keep my mouth shut and not talk. i even got alot of flack out of some family members. like taking all of this out on me would change what was going on anywhere in the world. it sure as heck wasnt going to change what was happening to my family as a direct fact of my son being in the navy.
yes i was a wreck this was not only my youngest child but he was his fathers only son. which just made matters far worse for me.
well i am not one to sit and let things get to out of hand for along time i fight tooth and nail to keep my emtional footing and gain it back if lost. so i did what i could to find a place where i could let it all hang out and say i am scared and my son is in the navy and not get attacked . so i went on line and i found the miltary moms . i tell you i lived in that sight. and i learned alot about being a military mom.
i found out i didnt have it near as bad as some moms who did have children in the war. i already knew that but now i was privy to exactly what they were going through the ups and downs of it all and so began along period of time where all i could do was go in and leave posts and reply to those i could and live with the it could still happen to me . this ma that i am talking to could be me. i watched as mothers and wives got flags back instead of loved ones as we sat in the chat room and prayed for their loved ones and for family and we had our services for those we lost.
and i lived for a long time with this could be me before it was me. and i grew alot during that time. enough to survive it all when he was finally the one going to war but not enough to keep my emotions totally under control during that time.
not once during the time my son was not in the war did any of the moms on line say anything to me that was negative or put me down or walk on my emotions if i happend to have a bad hair day and was totally scared or worried they stood by me shored me up and helped me out and gave me hugs.
that is what i looked for and found in the military moms on line and that is what kept me going back there.
at that time too i walked away from alot of people on my email list because of the same sort of stuff i was getting from people around my own town. now i am not the kind of person to sit and cry like a baby to people if you ask me how i am doing i will be honest and say not so good if you asked me how come i would say worried about my son in the navy. but i never thought doing that would bring out the worst in others during that time but it did.
so i lost alot of on line so called friends and learned who i could talk to and who i couldnt talk to. i even left a chat room because of the negative response i got one time when i went in and said i am scared because by then i had gotten word my son was heading to Iraq and i got well my family member is over there on the front lines yours wont be on the front lines so and it just got worse from there. now mind you i never said were he would be stationed over there because his rule with me was to tell me only the country he would be in but never the location. i really was hurt badly by what was thrown at me that day and so i left. and didnt return . i didnt need that at all and no one in that room that knew me even bothered to stand up for me when i got that attack. i didnt know what to think.
it was the same thing with an email group i belonged to when i got attacked in there after asking for prayers i left. i will just not be a part of something if i am getting walked on. period.
so what is the best thing to do or locate in self ? for one it was a very close walk with God i began to talk to him and pray to him like i never did before . like he was right there with me.
and i found i had to keep my sence of hummor in everything that happend i had to find something to laugh at. that made alot of things i encountered alot easier to take or leave.
see i am not unique i am noting special. nothing to really notice or applaud no i am just a Navy MoM trying to get through this roller coaster ride i didnt sign up for at all or want on but am on .'in the end they say the miltary takes a son and gives you back a man? well it takes a mom and gives you back a tougher person even us moms grow alot in our experiences as military moms.
it began with a few people in our area . i didnt know what to think there i was a walking emtional wound and i was getting serious negitive feed back anytime i said my son is in the navy. i got SOOO? we have people with kids in the war what makes you so privialged? well i wasnt asking for anything i was just saying i was a navy mom. and i got that along with alot of anti war stuff thrown at me. i very quckly decided my best defence was to keep my mouth shut and not talk. i even got alot of flack out of some family members. like taking all of this out on me would change what was going on anywhere in the world. it sure as heck wasnt going to change what was happening to my family as a direct fact of my son being in the navy.
yes i was a wreck this was not only my youngest child but he was his fathers only son. which just made matters far worse for me.
well i am not one to sit and let things get to out of hand for along time i fight tooth and nail to keep my emtional footing and gain it back if lost. so i did what i could to find a place where i could let it all hang out and say i am scared and my son is in the navy and not get attacked . so i went on line and i found the miltary moms . i tell you i lived in that sight. and i learned alot about being a military mom.
i found out i didnt have it near as bad as some moms who did have children in the war. i already knew that but now i was privy to exactly what they were going through the ups and downs of it all and so began along period of time where all i could do was go in and leave posts and reply to those i could and live with the it could still happen to me . this ma that i am talking to could be me. i watched as mothers and wives got flags back instead of loved ones as we sat in the chat room and prayed for their loved ones and for family and we had our services for those we lost.
and i lived for a long time with this could be me before it was me. and i grew alot during that time. enough to survive it all when he was finally the one going to war but not enough to keep my emotions totally under control during that time.
not once during the time my son was not in the war did any of the moms on line say anything to me that was negative or put me down or walk on my emotions if i happend to have a bad hair day and was totally scared or worried they stood by me shored me up and helped me out and gave me hugs.
that is what i looked for and found in the military moms on line and that is what kept me going back there.
at that time too i walked away from alot of people on my email list because of the same sort of stuff i was getting from people around my own town. now i am not the kind of person to sit and cry like a baby to people if you ask me how i am doing i will be honest and say not so good if you asked me how come i would say worried about my son in the navy. but i never thought doing that would bring out the worst in others during that time but it did.
so i lost alot of on line so called friends and learned who i could talk to and who i couldnt talk to. i even left a chat room because of the negative response i got one time when i went in and said i am scared because by then i had gotten word my son was heading to Iraq and i got well my family member is over there on the front lines yours wont be on the front lines so and it just got worse from there. now mind you i never said were he would be stationed over there because his rule with me was to tell me only the country he would be in but never the location. i really was hurt badly by what was thrown at me that day and so i left. and didnt return . i didnt need that at all and no one in that room that knew me even bothered to stand up for me when i got that attack. i didnt know what to think.
it was the same thing with an email group i belonged to when i got attacked in there after asking for prayers i left. i will just not be a part of something if i am getting walked on. period.
so what is the best thing to do or locate in self ? for one it was a very close walk with God i began to talk to him and pray to him like i never did before . like he was right there with me.
and i found i had to keep my sence of hummor in everything that happend i had to find something to laugh at. that made alot of things i encountered alot easier to take or leave.
see i am not unique i am noting special. nothing to really notice or applaud no i am just a Navy MoM trying to get through this roller coaster ride i didnt sign up for at all or want on but am on .'in the end they say the miltary takes a son and gives you back a man? well it takes a mom and gives you back a tougher person even us moms grow alot in our experiences as military moms.
9-11 and the beginning of a nightmare that would last for a long time
i remeber well standing in the front room alone that am turning on the tv and tuning into the news. well i actually dont watch the news but when i was trying to pick out a channel to watch i ran into the news that am and thought hey wait a min what are they doing playing a disaster movie on here for ? So i flipped by it and noticed that the other news channels had the same thing on them. and i figured ok maybe i better stop here for a few and check this out. well we all know what we saw that am on the news . and let me tell you i was not just schocked i was totally horrified. and i didnt know what to think or do when i realized what i was watching wasnt a movie. i called my husband at work right away and told him and he said they had all stopped working and were watching the news instead. i was getting pretty scared. and then i called my daughter who was if i can remeber tuned into the radio then because if memory serves me right she couldnt afford cable tv yet and you couldnt get the news with out having cable tv.
all kinds of things ran through my head as i watched in total horror as the second tower went down.
what is going on and where? is this something that is going to come our way ? if so how soon? if not what do we do from here? where are my kids and grands and how are the kids i do have out of state doing? and what in the world is going to happen to my son in the navy!!!???
i was a total wreck before the end of that day as i know so many of us across the usa were. and i knew too how much the mothers and wives and husbands and fathers and relatives of our military were going to just flat be set on edge because of this .
well i hate to say this but its the truth. for the next 5 months i was a total wreck emotionally i was almost over the edge. i couldnt sleep and my mind was going on and on . during that time i suffered a broken toe which didnt help matters.
but what really did me in was having a son in the Navy and not knowing what was going to happen to him. what would he have to do ?
it took him almost three weeks before he could actually call me . not that he couldnt he could have stood there and insisted on calling home but he said he saw the lines of people trying to get in touch with family and said " i decided to wait until the lines werent as long" so it took along time before i heard from him which didnt help me out at all. everything got shut down for along time emails puter use only thing going was phone and those didnt go up for awhile. and the black outs for bases ran wild during those days.
eventually we got in touch and he said that his unit was heading out to japan. not to worry about him . he was sure those orders wouldnt be recinded. well we were hoping but of course during that time no one knew what was going to happen next.
But in fact his unit did go to japan and once the war began in afganistan i am sure if they wanted his unit to go he and they would have gone . but instead they did end up in japan and like i said once the war started and things with korea began to act up they were given a choice stay in japan for a year and be prepared or go to the states and onto the war ? they decided to stay and watch the koren side. and so he stayed in japan for a year.
it was the begining of alot of missed holidays and special family occassions with him. and he wasnt able to take his lap top with him when he went there.
the very frist set of holidays right after 9-11 happened were the beginning of the missed holidays i rememeber getting the phone call from him and asking ok when you coming home for chirstmas ? only to here " no ma they have to put our base on alert as you know all of them are and well i did have leave for christmas but everyone that was going to leave left and there were not many of us here they asked for vollenteers to stay and helpman the base so i stood forward and said ok. so i am staying i hope you understand and i hope this is ok with you." what could i say i protest? no i said ok i do understand. it didnt set well with me at all but i understood. not only does a Navy man have to do what he has to do but his family has to do what they have to do along with him or her. make the sacrifices right along with them. and that is what i did along with every other military family in our country.
all kinds of things ran through my head as i watched in total horror as the second tower went down.
what is going on and where? is this something that is going to come our way ? if so how soon? if not what do we do from here? where are my kids and grands and how are the kids i do have out of state doing? and what in the world is going to happen to my son in the navy!!!???
i was a total wreck before the end of that day as i know so many of us across the usa were. and i knew too how much the mothers and wives and husbands and fathers and relatives of our military were going to just flat be set on edge because of this .
well i hate to say this but its the truth. for the next 5 months i was a total wreck emotionally i was almost over the edge. i couldnt sleep and my mind was going on and on . during that time i suffered a broken toe which didnt help matters.
but what really did me in was having a son in the Navy and not knowing what was going to happen to him. what would he have to do ?
it took him almost three weeks before he could actually call me . not that he couldnt he could have stood there and insisted on calling home but he said he saw the lines of people trying to get in touch with family and said " i decided to wait until the lines werent as long" so it took along time before i heard from him which didnt help me out at all. everything got shut down for along time emails puter use only thing going was phone and those didnt go up for awhile. and the black outs for bases ran wild during those days.
eventually we got in touch and he said that his unit was heading out to japan. not to worry about him . he was sure those orders wouldnt be recinded. well we were hoping but of course during that time no one knew what was going to happen next.
But in fact his unit did go to japan and once the war began in afganistan i am sure if they wanted his unit to go he and they would have gone . but instead they did end up in japan and like i said once the war started and things with korea began to act up they were given a choice stay in japan for a year and be prepared or go to the states and onto the war ? they decided to stay and watch the koren side. and so he stayed in japan for a year.
it was the begining of alot of missed holidays and special family occassions with him. and he wasnt able to take his lap top with him when he went there.
the very frist set of holidays right after 9-11 happened were the beginning of the missed holidays i rememeber getting the phone call from him and asking ok when you coming home for chirstmas ? only to here " no ma they have to put our base on alert as you know all of them are and well i did have leave for christmas but everyone that was going to leave left and there were not many of us here they asked for vollenteers to stay and helpman the base so i stood forward and said ok. so i am staying i hope you understand and i hope this is ok with you." what could i say i protest? no i said ok i do understand. it didnt set well with me at all but i understood. not only does a Navy man have to do what he has to do but his family has to do what they have to do along with him or her. make the sacrifices right along with them. and that is what i did along with every other military family in our country.
First leave
i know in writing this i am not going to remember everything nor touch on all of it . But i am going to tell you as much as i remember .
i know the first phone calls were very emotional on me and on him too. Given alot of time that passed. and we were able to talk like ...i want to say normal people but hey he is in the Navy and were at war what can be normal about that one?
what i do what to talk about it his coming home on leave. like i said between his going in and 9-11 i think we got in two of those. Now for most people that is not just a blessing but it sure dont cost as much for them as it has for us and that has placed a huge obstacle between our son and us in being able to see him and him us. see living in Alaska we may as well be living on the moon. my son couldnt afford to walk across the street now on what he made in the navy and put out a fire with a cup of free water. let alone a phone call home or even a trip to see us. oh yea the free military hops ? yea checked into those but you see the trouble with those is they take you to the closest milraty base to your home for a very tiny fee and then you pay to get yourself home from there. sooooooo being in Alaska meant his flying to Anchorage and then paying to get home to a tiny town in southeast alaska . we checked into the cost and it would be the same for him to fly directly from the base where he was stationed to seattle washington and then to here. so there was no point in even trying. and i tell you this those trips home were precious even though they cost me out the nose to see him and him us some because of the lack of notice cost us nearly $1,500 . or more one way.
But they were worth every penny .
our time with him on those leaves went by in a flash and all to soon we had to take him back to the airport and say see ya again soon. i would behave and not get emotional until he was on the plane and then all it took was the frist stop light a block away and i was a mess.
i know the first phone calls were very emotional on me and on him too. Given alot of time that passed. and we were able to talk like ...i want to say normal people but hey he is in the Navy and were at war what can be normal about that one?
what i do what to talk about it his coming home on leave. like i said between his going in and 9-11 i think we got in two of those. Now for most people that is not just a blessing but it sure dont cost as much for them as it has for us and that has placed a huge obstacle between our son and us in being able to see him and him us. see living in Alaska we may as well be living on the moon. my son couldnt afford to walk across the street now on what he made in the navy and put out a fire with a cup of free water. let alone a phone call home or even a trip to see us. oh yea the free military hops ? yea checked into those but you see the trouble with those is they take you to the closest milraty base to your home for a very tiny fee and then you pay to get yourself home from there. sooooooo being in Alaska meant his flying to Anchorage and then paying to get home to a tiny town in southeast alaska . we checked into the cost and it would be the same for him to fly directly from the base where he was stationed to seattle washington and then to here. so there was no point in even trying. and i tell you this those trips home were precious even though they cost me out the nose to see him and him us some because of the lack of notice cost us nearly $1,500 . or more one way.
But they were worth every penny .
our time with him on those leaves went by in a flash and all to soon we had to take him back to the airport and say see ya again soon. i would behave and not get emotional until he was on the plane and then all it took was the frist stop light a block away and i was a mess.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
Email Email Email
I cant say enough about computers and modern tec. i tell you this much i am so glad my grandson came to me before his ma and family moved out of state and said " grandma get on line so we can keep in touch." and that began my hunt for a way to do so. At frist i hooked up webtv because i had no understanding of what it took to put a computer on line. and i sat there for two years waiting patiently for my grandsons and their ma to get on line too during which i got to know alot of wonderful people across this nation and world too and stuck up alot of friendships. i leanred alot on that old webtv but before my son had gone into the navy one of my sisters called and said i have this computer that i want to give you we need a computer with more space . i asked if it could be put on the net and she said yes it can so i went down and got it. now by that time i had one of the grandsons back here and living with me and he and my son had decided just where this computer was going and how it was going to be hooked up and the works. so that was it they went out to the art table i had and took everrything off it and placed the pc there and that was it all my art work found a new home and this area has become the pc room totally.
anway, i love email i like the fact i dont have to wait two weeks to a month to get a reply out of anyone i send something too. though sometmes some people are very busy and you dont get one out of them anyway LOL but i learned to ask for this has been read things from those that do that . that way i know they got what i sent .
once my son was on a base we asked him about email of course get this family hooked up right away is what i thought. im and email became very very important to me. and this began a site on line in msn where i began to store pictures for him so he could take part in family events and holidays and the like and if he couldnt make it home he could go there and spend time checking out what the family did. and all that . at first when i started it... it was just him and me. and then it grew to all the family members in 5 diffrent states joining in to place photos to share with him and has grown and kept going . each month we place family events on one page and anyone having a birthday or anniversary or a new baby or a wedding what ever the case may be can log on line and leave a message and tell our one gal ( my oldest daughter in another far far away state ) about it and she makes a lovely page for that event so all now can come on and sign a congrats page for those events.
it didnt take long and we dicovered that if our son had a computer of his own he could hook it up on base and not have to seek out a pc and wait to use it. so the family passed the hat around and got ahold of dell and bought him a nice lap top for christmas the the first year he was gone. i tell you what for a few years that lap top was a life line not only for him but for all of us . now being mom i am not hurt by the fact that i know he spent alot of time on line talking to his older brothers and his sisters and i got very little time with him . but that was ok for me at least he was talking to someone. if i wanted to know something all i had to do was ask.
but the arrival of the pc for our son made a huge change in how we communicated. now instead of letters by the dozen in the snail mail we sent alot of emails of course his were short and sweet and to the point and everyone in our family that knows me knows if ma emails you or writes you a snail mail letter get out the coffee and either sit and read it or print it off first and then read it because i can sure go on and on and write books for them all LOL
personally i was glad to get away from penning a letter which took alot of space on a piece of paper and well i didnt have to buy so dang many stamps . but i kept sending the post cards for awhile more not so many but i sent them.
i think now looking back i would advise mothers to encourage your children to write not so much letters but personal journals . write about feelings and about events and anything else . but learn to write. you see during the worst parts of the war and the beginning of it all i happened on... on line blogs of solders and their families and i kept up with reading those and found out later on the ones that wrote as much as they could came home the better for it all emotionally. that is why i say teach your kids to write.
anway, i love email i like the fact i dont have to wait two weeks to a month to get a reply out of anyone i send something too. though sometmes some people are very busy and you dont get one out of them anyway LOL but i learned to ask for this has been read things from those that do that . that way i know they got what i sent .
once my son was on a base we asked him about email of course get this family hooked up right away is what i thought. im and email became very very important to me. and this began a site on line in msn where i began to store pictures for him so he could take part in family events and holidays and the like and if he couldnt make it home he could go there and spend time checking out what the family did. and all that . at first when i started it... it was just him and me. and then it grew to all the family members in 5 diffrent states joining in to place photos to share with him and has grown and kept going . each month we place family events on one page and anyone having a birthday or anniversary or a new baby or a wedding what ever the case may be can log on line and leave a message and tell our one gal ( my oldest daughter in another far far away state ) about it and she makes a lovely page for that event so all now can come on and sign a congrats page for those events.
it didnt take long and we dicovered that if our son had a computer of his own he could hook it up on base and not have to seek out a pc and wait to use it. so the family passed the hat around and got ahold of dell and bought him a nice lap top for christmas the the first year he was gone. i tell you what for a few years that lap top was a life line not only for him but for all of us . now being mom i am not hurt by the fact that i know he spent alot of time on line talking to his older brothers and his sisters and i got very little time with him . but that was ok for me at least he was talking to someone. if i wanted to know something all i had to do was ask.
but the arrival of the pc for our son made a huge change in how we communicated. now instead of letters by the dozen in the snail mail we sent alot of emails of course his were short and sweet and to the point and everyone in our family that knows me knows if ma emails you or writes you a snail mail letter get out the coffee and either sit and read it or print it off first and then read it because i can sure go on and on and write books for them all LOL
personally i was glad to get away from penning a letter which took alot of space on a piece of paper and well i didnt have to buy so dang many stamps . but i kept sending the post cards for awhile more not so many but i sent them.
i think now looking back i would advise mothers to encourage your children to write not so much letters but personal journals . write about feelings and about events and anything else . but learn to write. you see during the worst parts of the war and the beginning of it all i happened on... on line blogs of solders and their families and i kept up with reading those and found out later on the ones that wrote as much as they could came home the better for it all emotionally. that is why i say teach your kids to write.
The Gydon
I wasnt able to be at his graduation because of the distance between the east coast and alaska and because of the horrible cost of travel between the two places. so instead i got the next best thing i got a tape of his graduation in the mail. I tell you what i got my hands on that tape and i ripped the package open and put it in the vcr right away. and sat and watched it all the way through several times. It was amazing to me how many young people were graduating from basics at the same time the tape was full of this sea of white Naval uniforms . If not for knowing my son had made Gydon and what unit he was in i would never have seen him on that tape. which by the way was so grainy that nothing you did could make the picture better. but i didnt much care about that i just was so happy to be even a tiny part of his graduation . soooooo I looked for the gydon and did i ever get a good show :) he marched by with that flag and i was in tears reaching out to touch his image on the screen. and once in the area they were supposed to be at the guy holding the flag behind him miss placed his area of holding his own flag and it drapped itself over my sons head . my son did nothing to move tht flag but stood there until the guy realized he should move it and my son stood at attention and just held his flag with out moving. but yet not able to see a thing.
and then as soon as it had begun it was over and he headed out to the Field medical Service School where he trained to be a Naval Medical Corpsman.
while he was there we got news of the USS Cole being bombed. I didnt know what to think and it shook me up. I remember my son calling home and talking to me about this event and us saying well while we felt badly about the loss of life i personally was glad he was in training school and not out on some boat. that is when i found out he never would be he was going to be attached to the marines. at the time i had no comprehenshion of just what that ment but it seemd ok ot me.
it didnt take long and he graduated the training school and was being assigned to a base on the west coast. which seemed very wonderrful to me that way at least he was closer to home. how could i call it that he was still along long ways away . but hey better and easier for him to get here on leave then if he were on the east coast.
At first his leaves came and went easy enough for all of us we sent for him like clock work when the time came and enjoyed our time with him. lets see we got in i think two leaves before 9-11 which would change all our lives for a long long time.
and then as soon as it had begun it was over and he headed out to the Field medical Service School where he trained to be a Naval Medical Corpsman.
while he was there we got news of the USS Cole being bombed. I didnt know what to think and it shook me up. I remember my son calling home and talking to me about this event and us saying well while we felt badly about the loss of life i personally was glad he was in training school and not out on some boat. that is when i found out he never would be he was going to be attached to the marines. at the time i had no comprehenshion of just what that ment but it seemd ok ot me.
it didnt take long and he graduated the training school and was being assigned to a base on the west coast. which seemed very wonderrful to me that way at least he was closer to home. how could i call it that he was still along long ways away . but hey better and easier for him to get here on leave then if he were on the east coast.
At first his leaves came and went easy enough for all of us we sent for him like clock work when the time came and enjoyed our time with him. lets see we got in i think two leaves before 9-11 which would change all our lives for a long long time.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
The Box
when my son called home and talked to me it was all i could do to keep from crying. i made a promise to myself that for his sake i wouldnt cry on the phone . and for ages I kept that promise. so what i did was fight it and keep the tears from falling while we talked but the min. i hung up i cried like a baby. Yep i was the one asked by him to hang up i did that faithfully for him because i knew and understood he couldnt do that. say bye see you. so i did the parting things and did the hanging up when he would say got to go .and pause. i never ever said good bye i would say ok see you again soon or i will pray for you and you pray for me. and end it .
anway, during one of our first talks he told me that i would be getting a box in the mail soon it would have in it all personal items that the navy didnt or wouldnt let him keep with him. he explained to me they sent it in the mail now because to many times in the past when the navy walked those to the front door mothers or wives or family members seeing anyone approch in uniform thought it was bad news and this was just easier.
so i was prepared some what i knew that box was going to arrive. and the day it did i knew what it was but i cried like a baby anyway. i couldnt believe the items in that box that were sent back . But that is the navy for you.
it left me with a feeling that i no longer knew what to send him at all. what could he have or keep or what . it was aweful to adjust to being a navy mom. But i did and it took along time . meanwhile i just kept writing to him daily.
anway, during one of our first talks he told me that i would be getting a box in the mail soon it would have in it all personal items that the navy didnt or wouldnt let him keep with him. he explained to me they sent it in the mail now because to many times in the past when the navy walked those to the front door mothers or wives or family members seeing anyone approch in uniform thought it was bad news and this was just easier.
so i was prepared some what i knew that box was going to arrive. and the day it did i knew what it was but i cried like a baby anyway. i couldnt believe the items in that box that were sent back . But that is the navy for you.
it left me with a feeling that i no longer knew what to send him at all. what could he have or keep or what . it was aweful to adjust to being a navy mom. But i did and it took along time . meanwhile i just kept writing to him daily.
I Will Remember You !
Sometimes you run into a song that just plays over and over in your head. I have no clue how come the class of 2000 picked out the song "I will remember you " but the words just hit me full force during my sons graduation and haunted me during his time in basics and in training .
"I will remember you
will you remember me
don't let life pass you by
weep not for the memories"
I hung on those words for along time after i put him on that plane. part of the problem was he was clear across the states on the other coast. And while alot of moms and dads got to go see the graduation of their sons or daughters from any military basic training. Logistics and money kept me from all of it. there was no way to even think I would be there to see any of it.
And that hurt me deeply.
So i did the next best thingI could do . I went out and bought stamps by the yard and paper and pens and envelopes and i sat each day and i wrote to him every am and i would sit and end my day that way too. i think i sent him about 3 to 4 letters every day.
that may seem like alot but I didn't care i know what a letter from home can do for someone in the miltary.
you see at my mothers funeral one of my brothers got up and talked about the letters he got from her faithfully while he was in vietnam. He said once a week she wrote to him and once a week all of his time there he got those letters. he said once he was out of the army he thought they would stop and not be once a week. But not our mom for the rest of her life she wrote to her son , my brother once a week with out fail. He went on to say even today he has kept in shoe boxes under his bed all of the letters she wrote to him.
you see what my brother said made a huge inpression on me so i wrote faithfully about anything , weather , cleaning house, shopping, news , who is doing what where when and you name it i kept those letters on the upbeat and kept them going.
then i decided to add post cards to those . But i got a phone call from my son saying " Ma when you send post cards dont put anything personal on them because they read those outloud to all of us so anyone not recieveing mail will not feel left out." well wahooooooooooo !!!!!!!! ideas abound. not a problem at all for me. i went out and gathered every post card i could find and sent those out amass and took them on a tour of alaska giving them triva on the back and jokes to go with and talked about things going on that were like ok number of tour ships in today, and things like that. It was about a year later i got told by my son that i was the mom that sent out the most letters of anyone duing his basics.
yes i will always remember you for sure.
my son was always on my mind during his time in the navy. in fact he is still in the navy one more year and i think of him all the time. not a day goes by that i dont.
"I will remember you
will you remember me
don't let life pass you by
weep not for the memories"
I hung on those words for along time after i put him on that plane. part of the problem was he was clear across the states on the other coast. And while alot of moms and dads got to go see the graduation of their sons or daughters from any military basic training. Logistics and money kept me from all of it. there was no way to even think I would be there to see any of it.
And that hurt me deeply.
So i did the next best thingI could do . I went out and bought stamps by the yard and paper and pens and envelopes and i sat each day and i wrote to him every am and i would sit and end my day that way too. i think i sent him about 3 to 4 letters every day.
that may seem like alot but I didn't care i know what a letter from home can do for someone in the miltary.
you see at my mothers funeral one of my brothers got up and talked about the letters he got from her faithfully while he was in vietnam. He said once a week she wrote to him and once a week all of his time there he got those letters. he said once he was out of the army he thought they would stop and not be once a week. But not our mom for the rest of her life she wrote to her son , my brother once a week with out fail. He went on to say even today he has kept in shoe boxes under his bed all of the letters she wrote to him.
you see what my brother said made a huge inpression on me so i wrote faithfully about anything , weather , cleaning house, shopping, news , who is doing what where when and you name it i kept those letters on the upbeat and kept them going.
then i decided to add post cards to those . But i got a phone call from my son saying " Ma when you send post cards dont put anything personal on them because they read those outloud to all of us so anyone not recieveing mail will not feel left out." well wahooooooooooo !!!!!!!! ideas abound. not a problem at all for me. i went out and gathered every post card i could find and sent those out amass and took them on a tour of alaska giving them triva on the back and jokes to go with and talked about things going on that were like ok number of tour ships in today, and things like that. It was about a year later i got told by my son that i was the mom that sent out the most letters of anyone duing his basics.
yes i will always remember you for sure.
my son was always on my mind during his time in the navy. in fact he is still in the navy one more year and i think of him all the time. not a day goes by that i dont.
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
It was time to say see ya all to soon
So i went through graduation at the high school knowing full well time with my youngest child was marching by fast and soon I would be putting him on a plane and saying see ya soon and he would belong to the US Navy for about 5 years or so.
I tell you what. I was so proud of him when he ran down the isle to keep up with his class, yep , that is what he had to do because they turned him loose to late to be right behind the guy in front of him LOL
His graduation party was really wonderful and everyone knew in a matter of days he was leaving for basics. Clean across the country. So everyone invited showed up .
Then all to soon it was time to say see ya soon. And wave goodbye as his plane lifted off into the blue skies of that beautiful bittersweet Alaskan summer.
All I remember of that time was going home and crying for two weeks off and on. Some of it was from knowing my last child had left home and some was knowing there was no way I could talk to him on a daily basis like we had for years anymore . I kept thinking you know it would be far diffrent if he were in college I could talk to him every day if I chose too ,but with the military your at the mercey of there schedule if you get a call your lucky count your blessings .
so it took its toll on me the empty nest syndrome along with the Navy and the big question was now am I going to grow from all this too or just stay a crying blob for 5 years. Time would surely tell.
I tell you what. I was so proud of him when he ran down the isle to keep up with his class, yep , that is what he had to do because they turned him loose to late to be right behind the guy in front of him LOL
His graduation party was really wonderful and everyone knew in a matter of days he was leaving for basics. Clean across the country. So everyone invited showed up .
Then all to soon it was time to say see ya soon. And wave goodbye as his plane lifted off into the blue skies of that beautiful bittersweet Alaskan summer.
All I remember of that time was going home and crying for two weeks off and on. Some of it was from knowing my last child had left home and some was knowing there was no way I could talk to him on a daily basis like we had for years anymore . I kept thinking you know it would be far diffrent if he were in college I could talk to him every day if I chose too ,but with the military your at the mercey of there schedule if you get a call your lucky count your blessings .
so it took its toll on me the empty nest syndrome along with the Navy and the big question was now am I going to grow from all this too or just stay a crying blob for 5 years. Time would surely tell.
Looking Back to The Beginning
Looking back always helps I guess. And for me that is what I do often lately. For a while now I have been meaning to write about being a navy mom to a son that I am so very proud of. I remember when I heard those words " Ma I have signed up with the Navy I go in right after I graduate from high school this July." the impact of those words back then for me were awful you see being the wife of a Vietnam vet and the sister to three Vietnam vets I never would want to wish this on anyone. Knowing what they went through as well as the family and how blessed we were to have them all back alive not emotionally well for years but alive. I kept my mouth shut though for several months on how I felt about all this. And didn’t say a word until he asked me. Right before he was ready to leave for basic. Then I told him " you could have picked anything but this a priest --but this? And then I said that is ok its your choice and I will back you from here on out never mind what I think I will get used to this." After all every man in our family close to him and I had pointed out we were in peace times so its safe. And I took allot of comfort in that. Yep little did any of us know what was around that corner soon enough.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
